i need you.

Have you ever felt at the end of your rope? You’ve tried everything. You don’t know what else to do. Maybe you stopped for a moment and said something like, “I need help. I need you. I need something.”

And you didn’t say it to anyone in particular. Just a call, out into the ethers. “Can anyone help?”

Sometimes it feels like failing. Because you couldn’t do it on your own.

I’m hear to tell you…YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO. You were absolutely never meant to do everything on your own.

Those moments of prayer or those feelings of giving up, they’re important. You’re recognizing that you don’t have what it takes to do and be everything. And that’s a good thing!

If you think about it, we live in a world – a universe – where everything is taken care of for us. The earth gives us absolutely everything. The air is made for us to breathe, the soil gives us food to eat, our body breathes and functions without any of our conscious involvement. The sun warms us (but not too much) the darkness gives us respite. I could go on endlessly.

So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? I woke up today and the sun rose on its own. Life was in my body. I didn’t really do anything. The only thing my conscious mind did was…START THINKING.

I thought about getting out of bed, what I would have for breakfast, whether I wanted coffee, which errands to run first. I thought about whether my lover loved me back, which emails I needed to reply to, whether I should deep condition my hair today.

I didn’t give one thought to all that allows us to even have a life, to exist, to live on this planet.

We’re meant to be a bit…ya know…self-centered. We’re so self-centered that when things go wrong, when we can’t control things around us, we think that we have failed.

But what the hek were we controlling anyway?

That feeling of failure is defined, “Oh, I just realized I can’t control all aspects of my life from the perspective of singular focus. It takes more than the perspective I’m in right now to soothe or rectify this situation.

I would call that clarity…genius even! Giving up is realizing the perspective through which you’re seeing things needs to be adjusted. Prayer is the action that follows that understanding. “I can’t do this alone and I know that I am not alone. I allow myself to open up to that which aids me and uplifts my situation.”

There is a breath of life that flows through all things, people, and endeavors. Life takes participation and surrender to be at peak satisfaction for us. Too much participation without surrender to the larger self, and we feel stuck, stifled, hopeless. Too much surrender and life lacks definition and purpose.

We are in an eternal interplay between polarities. So…give yourself a break. You’re doing it right. When you notice something isn’t working, YOU’RE RIGHT. Ask yourself, am I too involved or not involved enough? Do I need to focus more, or relax a bit more? And then just try it out. This is a place of experimentation and play.

When you say that prayer, “I need help, I need someone. I need you.” know that you are a genius. You know how this universe works even when you think that you don’t. We have the ability to shift perspective from singular focus to multitude focus. Here are the attributes of each:

Singular focus is very specifically oriented. It can drill down into great detail, vivid color, solid form. It helps us see the world as concrete. Objects and events have concrete relationships to each other. Here, we feel small but well-defined. We have well-defined boundaries and personality.

Multitude focus is softer. It says, ‘I am not a singular person seeking to have impact on a large world. I am a wave of person, composed of many parts. All of those parts that I am carry the wisdom I need, when I need it. I open up to that variety of wisdom and vision. I let the parts of myself awaken that are best suited for the situation at hand.’

When we pray we are intending to open ourselves up to More. To let in more vision, more consciousness. We say, ‘this single-minded perspective is no longer suitable right now. I open myself up to my multi-consciousness self. There I feel full, I feel strong and broad, I recognize that I am much more than my personality.’

Perhaps we could call this the ‘ego’. But there is nothing wrong with that ego self, that detail oriented, single-minded personality self. It’s all about recognizing when it’s not a helpful viewpoint “right now”.

The next time you whisper, “help” or “I need”, know that you are being heard. Of course you are. More than anything you are powerfully initiating an intention. You are a vast, powerful being. And it only takes an intention to provide aid for you, to change direction. Embrace your intention. “I intend to relax into the wave that is me. I am held by all that is and all my needs are heard and received. I open up to greater vision. I let myself by taken care of. I see the evidence of that, even in the smallest of things.”

Learn to be okay with the changing of perspectives. We aren’t set off trying to obtain a perfect life and then never change course again. We are practicing the mastery of human and earthly variety. Mastery of movement. Of listening to our impulses, knowing when to step forward and when to stay steady…and going against our own knowing sometimes too – just for the fun of it!

You are a wild creature. Fearless, bold, and free. You dive deep into all kinds of mess and sorrow and rebound again, because you know that you can. Deep down you know there is only well-being, and there’s nowhere that you can go where the source-of-you won’t catch you.

Running Light

Sometimes [always] when I’m in an altered state or trance and doing a reading for someone, I use phrases or terms that I haven’t heard before but they feel right. They’re a perfect description of what I’m trying to express.

The other day I used the term “running light” with a dear friend. Later, she asked me about it.

Running light is the practice of moving life energy. In this context I see it as what Chinese medicine refers to as Qi [Chi], or Prana in Vedic texts.

Looking at the movement of energy from a broader view, I have to describe or give words to what I’m seeing. I would describe “Light” as an unobstructed, energetic flow that follows intention. It feels like life in motion.

So often times the remedy to an ailment or problem, from that perspective, is allowing that energetic flow to penetrate areas of stagnation or darkness. (Darkness in this context refers to areas where attention isn’t flowing in a constructive way.)

I absolutely love “running light”. And it seems to find its way into almost every reading that I do, described in one way or another.

The first time I really saw that life energy was in Kirtan. I could see it rise and fall, move around the room, take on different colors and frequencies.

You can see it too, or at least feel it. When you look at someone and they seem really vibrant and happy, or when someone seems to feel far away even if they’re right in front of you. You’re feeling how much life energy they’re flowing at that moment. You feel it in yourself when you’re energetic and excited and you feel the lack of it when you’re sluggish or feeling down.

To ‘run light’ or stimulate the flow of life energy, I start by closing my eyes. It’s best to start by doing this laying down or seated. Especially if you haven’t tried it before.

I close my eyes and relax. I think of something uplifting, like the way my cats look when they’re sleeping. Find something really easy to feel good about, something simple. Smile if you feel compelled to.

Relax your body, from head to toe…and then back up again. When you’re feeling GOOD, look with your eyes closed. You can see shades of black and gray, maybe some remnants of light drifting through your closed eyelids. Notice the vastness of what you see with your eyes closed. There are no walls or edges or boundaries, just space.

What seem like nonsensical words are really just leading you to a space of peace, a further state of relaxation. Away from the part of your mind that tries to make concrete sense of everything.

Did you get there? Even for a moment? The space between thoughts. You’ll want to become familiar with that quiet, peaceful place. Regular meditation helps awaken and amplify that space for you.

Now, feeling GOOD and relaxed and not so attached to concrete thought, feel your body. Not with your hands – with your mind. Feel its presence. Feel how the boundaries of your body are more fuzzy when your eyes are closed.

Feel how it vibrates with life. When I close my eyes and tune into my body, I feel Energetic Movement. Like my whole body is busy doing things. And it is! I find it fascinating that tuning into your body can help you relax when you want to relax, and can help you get really revved up and energetic if that’s your intention.

Having drifted a little further away from concrete thinking, begin to imagine a white, or yellowish gold light around your body. It does not matter whether you feel like you’re “making it up”. Go ahead and make it up. Imagine. What would a warm, glowing light look like around your body?

Imagine it like a sun ray diffused through a sheer window curtain. Take some time to just play around with this idea of seeing light energy. Shape it how you want to. Shape it in a way that feels GOOD.

Get to know your description of that light. What is looks like, what it feels like, maybe even if it has a sound or smell associated with it.

Scan your body and feel if some areas feel more “awake” than others. Don’t worry about being right or wrong. Don’t think too hard about the question. Just ask it and relax. Notice what you notice.

As you continue to engage in these types of practices, you tune yourself to the well-being of your larger body. You develop a sense about yourself that is just beyond the five senses.

Getting attuned to this sense, it’s easier and more rewarding to play with energy. It’s important to be sensitive, to listen, to focus. There is an important balance between taking something seriously [applying specific and dedicated focus and attention] and being light-hearted and easy. Never getting dogmatic. Never sacrificing peace or well-being. Always relieving tension with laughter.

I go into any practice with Intention. It varies slightly, but always begins the same, and with the same core. To connect with the highest, the most loving, the most full of light. Understanding that it’s up to me to reach for the highest and what I experience is always a reflection of how high I was able to reach.

My intention always includes the highest well-being and benefit to all involved. And with intentions set, I tap into that energy that looks like Light and feels like Life. I let myself vibrate along with it, syncing up with its frequency [how it feels]. It should always feel so good. So lovely. So warm and uplifting.

I flow that energy over my body, into areas that feel like they need upliftment. Into areas of my life that I would like more clarity. I think about people that I care about, or just anyone that pops into my head and I imagine them smiling and laughing. I imagine them immersed in light and feeling really GOOD.

This, generally speaking, is Running Light.


What do you think? What are your experiences with moving life energy / life force?


Catching My Breath

This morning I had a burst of fresh energy flow through me and I grabbed onto it and ran!

I feel as though every time I get my head out from under water, another wave comes through and I’m clawing around trying to find my breath.

I remember in the past when I would go through the ebb and flow of inspiration and weariness. It was a soft flow. It seemed to take weeks or months before I would need to be re-inspired.

Lately, it feels like it’s moving so quickly. I reach for the light and so soon after, it’s faded again. And off I go, chasing after it. There doesn’t seem to be time to slack off, or to hit the autopilot or cruise button.

I’ve felt that since the very beginning of this new time that we’re in. There’s less space for living with my eyes closed. I’m shaken awake constantly, and it’s a bit exhausting.

There’s that flow of life, that current that feels so good when you’re in it and so horrible when you aren’t. It’s moving faster than ever before and seems to demand more commitment, more focus. Like trying to hitch a ride on a roller coaster that’s gaining speed.

A couple of days ago I felt so weary; I was dragging around my body like dead weight. It felt strange, like I was so energetic and at once completely drained. I was standing in the metaphorical dark and couldn’t remember how to do this whole…”life” thing.

And I remembered something that is the single most important thing I’ve ever discovered. It seeped into my awareness as it always does, just when I need it most.

Light never stops moving. It never stops expanding. And when you travel with light (i.e. that flow of life that feels ALIVE), you also can’t stop moving. It becomes so apparent when the light has left you behind, because everything feels stale and heavy.

And all you have to do is remember, remember that the Light is where your breath is. And you want to follow it like a scavenger hunt or a game of tag. Always on its heels. It replenishes your entire being. It takes you to where you want to go.

The best part is that it’s easy to find, no matter how long you’ve been wandering around in the shadows. Just an intention. An intention to awaken. To allow yourself to Follow where it’s gone.

It’s moving so fast these days that I don’t realize sometimes when it’s gone. I have to recalibrate so much more frequently, sometimes more than once a day. Something about this Time that we’re in is rushing forward. Speeding ahead. Saying Run! or Fall Behind.

So if you feel like you’ve been coming out of the dark only to plunge back in again, you’re doing it right. Keep going. We’re all acclimating to this new speed. And it will get easier. Just keep following the light. Sleep extra if you need to. Uplift yourself often, constantly. And give yourself plenty of grace.

When you feel a bit of light coming through, a new idea, a feeling of upliftment…grab hold! And don’t worry if it slips away again. See it as a reminder to keep going, there are such beautiful, bright days ahead.

Here’s my mantra for today:

I worry not, dwelling in the shadows, because the breath of life illuminates my entire being. The darkness helps me to find the light, ever moving, ever growing. I close my eyes and I remember…Light, Warmth. I call to the light by remembering it. And speedily, we are reunited. All is renewed and refreshed. I revel in this feeling. I am gratitude. I am fearless. I am a follower of light, a weaver of light. There is nowhere to go that is too far from the Light. Because there is nowhere to go that is outside of Home and Together. I cannot be separate. And only a word unites me with breath.

Praising the Mundane [Life Hack]

What is the basis of this reality? How does it work?

When I’ve “zoomed out” my perspective to see from a broader point of view, it looks like this reality of made of layers. From least dense / most dispersed to most dense and organized. As consciousness, we can view our life through any of these layers of reality.

We can rise, or float to a perspective that feels lighter. We see the details of our life less refined and vivid, but they also feel better somehow. It’s like when you’re imagining a scenario. In your imagination space, things move around easily. They’re fuzzier, easier to play with, easier to feel good about.

Then, when you move out of your imagination space and look into “real” reality, things feel harder to move and more defined. In both these cases, only the lens through which you’re viewing your life is shifting.

All states of reality, from most dispersed to most dense, are Real. They’re all existing at once. It’s your perspective that shifts to experience your life from different view points.

If let’s say, your thinking about having an awkward interaction with somebody and you shudder and think “ick, I definitely don’t want to experience that in real life!”

You did in fact experience that interaction, but from a less dense perspective. It made an impact on you emotionally, but one that could be brushed off more easily.

If we take ‘You’ in that experience and shift your perspective to the more dense layer of reality, ‘You’ would have experienced that awkward interaction in a more physical space. The interaction would have been more defined and solid, containing ‘real’ people and elements of space and time. This too would have caused an emotional reaction, one that might be harder to shake!

So at all times, reality is being experienced as a multitude of layers of density. Depending on where you’re viewing from, the experience seems more light and fuzzy or dense and defined. This of course, is happening on a spectrum or range from light to dense.

I’ve outlined the above to preface this idea of Praising the Mundane. As we reach for and imagine something beautiful in our lives, we float up to the layer where it exists. We experience it first with our lighter perspectives, feeling its ease and beauty.

This is why when we’re in a displeasing situation and we escape into our minds, we imagine the potential of something Better. And in that imagination space, it’s not only better, but it bears that heavenly glow of the lighter layers of reality.

Things always seem better when we imagine them than when they become ‘real’. Another way of saying that is, when we rise to lighter layers of perspective we praise and enjoy what we experience. Then, as we move into denser layers of perspective, some sense of joy or praise dissapates.

It calls forward the question, Is this an inevitable result of the more dense layers of perspective, or is it a practiced response? Furthermore, can we adjust our response to elevate our view of the denser states?

I believe part of what feels so good and heavenly about the lighter layers of perspective is their lack of specificity. There is less detail to have an opinion about. The energy moves about easier, the details you are experiencing can be shifted and adapted more easily.

As we descend into denser reality layers, energy formations move slower. Details are more refined and defined, and so they seem to take longer to change. The ‘magic’ of those lighter layers seems to disappear.

What is that magic? It’s flow, fluidity. Quite literally being in a lighter state of reality. In my mind, if I’m dating Bob and then prefer to date Bill…it’s an easy switch. In the denser perspectives, I would have to go through an Unfolding or Process to switch from Bob to Bill. There would be more to take into account, more to process, more to ‘deal with’.

But the benefits of the denser states are many. We become more differentiated than ever before. The separation between things is so defined. As consciousness, we can truly become an ‘I’ having a full experience. We can become part of the very picture-show we are projecting.

Herein comes the idea of suffering. Suffering is identifying so much with ‘You’ as a You, that you cannot distinguish between your projection and the observer of the projection.

It’s like actors who become fully immersed in their roles. It’s exciting, visceral, dramatic. A rich experience of immersion. But at some point or another, they have to remember who they really are. The bounds of the character their playing will inevitably become to restrictive.

So how do we experience the deliciousness of full immersion without losing that warm glow of light that exists in the less dense layers?

The answer is in Remembering. Associating. Remembering what that experience felt like in your imagination and knowing that This is what it looks like in the denser realms.

It can’t look like it did in your imagination. Because this is what it looks like when it’s made ‘real’. This is the denser expression of that beautiful fantasy. And so we praise it for what we know it is. We praise its more ethereal form and we praise its more dense form, because it’s all the same. All one strand of Thought or Idea, expressing in a variety of densities.

One day, towards the very end of a beautiful relationship I was in, I looked at my partner and thought of how boring he had become. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. He was so blah. After a few moments of looking at him, I began to remember what he looked like when I first met him. I closed my eyes and remembered.

He was all lit up. I remember feeling like someone had turned on a light inside my chest. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I remember running across the features of his face with my eyes. I felt so thankful then, like I wanted to shout and yell how happy I was.

I opened my eyes and looked at him again. He wasn’t blah or boring at all! He was beautiful again. All lit up. It was like I was seeing him for the first time, again. It wasn’t him that changed at all, it was me all along. The eyes through which I gazed at him had changed. And then, I loved him again.

Love connects the layers of perspective. Love is remembering. Remembering the light that bore that physical manifestation you’re observing. Seeing that light even as you take in the imperfections of physical form.

It is seeing with multiple perspectives at once. With the eye of the divine and the eye of human form. The divine is consciousness that exists in the lightest layers, closest to our base or original formlessness. The human is consciousness that is furthest from formlessness, our more dense perspective.

Can we see with two minds at once? I believe we can. Through remembering. Through love, admiration, and praise.

Two parts of us always exist. The observer that shifts perspective, experiencing different layers of reality, and the personality self that becomes one with the experience being observed.

We can gaze at the view from the top of the mountain and see the outlines of the clouds and trees and all the vivid colors, and at once feel the levity and beauty of what we’re beholding. In the same way, try looking at those mundane details of your life. See them for what they are, not mundane at all. In every detail is Heaven manifest into more pronounced form.

In praising the mundane by remembering its heavenly expressions, we naturally become happier and more in love. There isn’t a sense of disappointment, because we know the truth behind every expression.

So when something becomes boring or difficult, say to yourself, “Help me see its lighter forms. Help me see the light of the divine in this form.” And then relax your gaze and let yourself be carried to truth. Let that Truth express freely, and let the physical world before you become remade.

A New Approach to New Age

[This is Part 2 of a series. Read my last post here.]

Thoughts create your reality. We’ve heard it before. We tried to master the techniques of controlling our thoughts, pointing them in the direction of Wanted. Felt the highs and lows of advances and set backs.

Something began to feel so strange about this constant obsession with getting things or experiences that I wanted. It felt stale or like it was missing something. One day I had a vision where I saw different layers of experience.

There was the layer of physical-material things, people, and experiences connected to the material world. And there seemed to be a layer hovering right over that layer where a different part of us was focused. I like to call it the Participation Space.

In that layer, we are more connected to each other and are planning and arranging experiences to be had in the material realm. Like a conclave for our spirit consciousness.

I saw the ability for us to have a life experience that included more awareness of our Participation in that layer that hovers right above the material. There was more fulfillment, more satisfaction. Things were no longer just Things, but they were experienced more fully and robustly.

It felt like the next evolution of consciousness. The next frontier isn’t about controlling and directing Thought to achieve material things. This activity would become mundane and too easy, no longer a satisfying challenge to our larger selves.

How do we connect more with the Participation Space and become less preoccupied with manifesting our desires?

All that we see and experience around us is a reflection of our larger whole. Energy goes through some kind of filtration system and reflects back to us our reality.

It seems to follow that this “filtration system” would mix things up for us to keep life interesting. Beyond the Law of Attraction, is there another Law which diversifies the output?

I imagine that harmonizing with that Law, or mechanism, is related to rising above the need for specific outcomes. Going beyond Attachment or Preoccupation with the Manifested. Honoring physicality, but going beyond physicality. So that we experience this reality from a different perspective, a fuller perspective.

Life is no longer about attaining, as much as it is about Participating. Feeling a greater connection to the consciousness behind physicality. Redefining satisfaction so its determined by the level of Participation, rather than outcomes.

Perhaps the Buddhist idea of non-attachment and enlightenment is somehow intertwined with this concept. Some interpret non-attachment more literally as abstaining from Having physical things. Finding more connection beyond the physical than WITHIN the physical.

As I see it, it’s not about releasing Things because Things cause attachment and thus, hinder enlightenment. It’s really not about Things at all…and so, in this projection of reality, there is no need for abstinence at all from the physical world and its things.

It’s about rising above and beyond attachment, rather than non-attachment. Seeing two worlds, side by side, intrinsically intertwined. In one perspective, the physical world expresses and is observed. In the other, intertwined perspective, a relationship between consciousness gathers and communicates, playing energetically with the world of Things.

From this perspective, we, as self-aware humans, have the ability to sustain full awareness is both worlds simultaneously. We participate from an expanded consciousness with other consciousness to play with energy, to see from that perspective more regularly. As well as continuing to create into the Physical from a more-specifically oriented focus.

Every creation becomes more than what it’s produced. It becomes about the energetic interplay that happened (and continues to happen) in the assembly of those specific details and experiences that came together.

Can we have an eye looking into this ‘behind the scenes’ of energetic interplay of consciousness, while simultaneously participating in the physical realm of Things? I believe we can, and that is where humanity is headed. Not into better mastery at making things “Real”, but into experiencing reality from an expanded perspective. Having the ability to perceive beyond our five senses, but not forsaking those senses – just expanding.