Calling Home.

In my readings, I am channeling (translating energy) for people. They’re channeling too, we all are. We are emitting a signal and then translating that signal into Meaning.

What makes spiritual readings, or divination special then? Why is there an interest in this type of work?

Channeling (the way I do it) is meant to connect with the best information that is available to be received by the recipient. This means I have to go to the best possible frequency and “see” things from that perspective.

In our every day world, we may shake our fist up at the sky, desperate for answers. “Show me!” “Guide me!”

We may drop to our knees in futility, hoping for a gentle light to lull us back into warmth and safety.

Why don’t the answers come? Why do we translate energy into seeming riddles, why do we gather signs and clues as to what the universe is trying to tell us?

I remember once saying into the Nothingness, “If you’re so great, why can’t you just give me a straight answer? Why does it have to be so esoteric? Why can’t you just show me the way, why can’t you give me what I want? If the universe is so abundant, why is it so hard to get this thing I need?”

I enjoyed this release of frustration and confusion. And it compelled me to ponder those very questions.

I looked out into the fields of nothingness, and I followed where the answers led. I saw that there are seldom straight answers because we do not live in a straight reality. It curves into itself everywhere you look. It exemplifies itself as it sees itself. As you look to understand, you translate energy into the meaning of the understanding you seek.

When the universe speaks, it speaks as Many. One word, one voice, that expresses into a ray of infinity. Imagine the answer coming to you through the sun’s rays. And where ever the light touches, it speaks your answer.

Life gives you answers by showing itself to you, and this expression is everywhere you look, because life is everywhere you look. You cannot say, “yes but ignore everything else and just answer me from somewhere else.”

As though life would part the seas of that which-it-is and in the static of nothingness, bring to you a singular vision.

Oh wait, it does do that! That happens all the time too. But where are you when it happens? Usually immersed in the very life you’re trying to disregard to see “truth”.

And so the spirit of life follows you around, answering your questions through demonstration and through visions. And where are you? Where is the receiver?

There is no answer that hangs, solitary and independent from you. Every answer is a collaboration. It needs you to translate it, to give it meaning. And it exists in many varieties, depending on where and how you are translating it. Every message needs a receiver.

Do not search for the message. It cannot be apart from You, its receiver. It’s better to ask, “what am I really wanting, what is it I’m really asking for?” and “With which mind am I translating the response?”

Look to see, who is the You that is translating the message? Do you feel light, buoyant and joyful? Yes, then you’ll receive a version of that message that relates to that state of buoyancy. What happens when you are heavy once again? Once stress and listlessness have descended upon you.

Is that message still applicable? Has the message changed?

Seek nothing, because now you know that all you seek is dependent upon the Receiver.

When I channel in a reading, where am I going? Am I going into your bitterness, your sadness, your limitation? Am I staying in those places and speaking to you the message of Life from those places? No.

I can go far, far away from the places that feel the most heavy and remind you of your light. Even better, I can swoop down a bit and find a middle ground between the lightest of light and the most dense. Looping and weaving in efforts to direct your attention to Something Better.

We are master translators of energy. It is all that we’re doing here really, all of existence is expression and translation. And so when there is discomfort in a translation it’s easy to say, “well, look somewhere else. Translate something else.”

Why is it hard to shift that attention?

The answer is also easy. The translation of energy implies harmonization. When you harmonize with a vibration or frequency, to some extent you Become that vibration. The longer you translate similar frequencies and vibrations, the more you harmonize with them and identify a “part of you” with them.

You don’t just shift your attention easily in some cases because you think part of you is inside that vibrational cluster that you no longer enjoy. That is natural, the identification with something because you’ve vibrated on the same frequency for a long time. Or perhaps came to believe that you were bound to a certain cluster of vibrations.

The truth is, you are not bound to anything that you perceive. Even in what you hate most, there is distance and choice. At the heart of the most hated, is the light of Being. And just in front of that light, a scramble of vibrations. An energy cluster of “meaning”. Streams of thoughts, words, and associations.

The most hated does not exist as much as the beloved does not exist, what “exists” is something far greater. It is the relationship between You and that which you are translating.

Imagine someone you dislike, Who are they? Where do they exist? Are they the light behind, or the cluster of streams that dances before that light?

Hm. But who they are is only that way as you know them. As you give them meaning and association. As you highlight streams within that cluster and translate them through your unique cluster…and so give them a response. A “yes” or “no”.

It follows then, that the most important thing about this person is what you think of them. If you look in their direction and feel repulsed, that is your particular response because of how you are translating whatever you are highlighting in their cluster.

You cannot really “know them”, because their cluster is massive. What you know is what has become highlighted for you, through you. You could say, what I see in you, I don’t like. Is it because of the eyes that are looking or because of what those eyes see? It doesn’t matter.

It matters to say, I see the light that breathes this creation into Being. I see the cluster of streams that is enlivened by this breath, and how that cluster dances with a rhythmic ebb and flow. And I see myself, I see how when I connect with this dance, I don’t like it. I don’t want to dance with it.

How beautiful then is the story of a beloved? Then you say as you gaze at a person or an experience: I see the light that breathes this creation into Being. I see the cluster of streams that is enlivened by this breath, and how that cluster dances with a rhythmic ebb and flow. And I see myself, I see how when I connect with this dance, I love it! I want to dance with it until we’re spinning at the speed of light in this joyful exchange.

Do you look into the cluster of that which you don’t like and try to uncover an answer? Do you stare into the abyss of futility and hope for light to re-emerge? Or do you move your gaze to where the light already exists? Do you lend your heart to what is light and buoyant, or do you let it sink with heaviness and hope that the darkness will resuscitate its life?

You are a translator of energy. You are not bound to anything. You are a Chooser. A Selector. And when the heaviness comes, or the confusion, or the desperation for an answer – please remember, “I am Choice itself.” Invoke Choice. It is your power.

As you feel worn down or exhausted or sorrowful, please remember that you have the power of Choice. Say to yourself, “I am choice. I have the power of choice, and I invoke the power of Choice.”

You are not bound to any state of experience, even if you’ve vibrated its frequency in the past. Vibrating a frequency of the Undesired is not a vow of allegiance to such a frequency.

I’d vowed allegiance to all kinds of states without realizing. The state of depression, disappointment, powerlessness, obedience. I vibrated in those places for so long I thought, “oh this must be me. this must be where I live.” But it was a choice all along. I didn’t know.

And life’s unfolding revealed Truth to me once again, “Heba you were always free to choose.”

There are endless, valid reasons why we get “stuck” in feeling states that are undesirable. And when the readiness comes to let go and remember Choice, freedom is here and waiting. The sadness will come and you’ll say, “Oh hello. I must be choosing sadness right now. That’s ok, when I’m ready I’ll choose something else.”

And when you ask for guidance or for an answer you’ll remember, ‘oh I have to choose where I am. Where I am is in direct relationship to the shape of the answer that comes.’

When you call home, when you call to Source, you’ll remember to dial on the clearest line you can find. You’ll say, “I call that which I am, and so that is what will appear.”

And when you’re feeling down you’ll say, “I remember choice, that I am in-Choice. I invoke the power of choice. Choice, remind me of my light. Spirit [self], find me the clearest path. Let me travel by choice to the light that calls.”

Every day, you will become more and more of the magic you seek. Your words will be effortlessly encoded with light and truth. You will walk, not above nor below. You will walk through the fields of shadow and fly in the skies of light, as you live an ordinary, extraordinary life.

A flower will bloom inside your heart and you’ll feed it with love and compassion and movement. And when the heaviness comes, you won’t be afraid. You’ll experience it as a color, as variety, you’ll remember Choice – and even in the heaviness you’ll remember you’re light.

With Love,

Heba

❤

Creativity’s Grief

I used to feel an impossible sadness inside of the things I wanted most.

Deep inside the thick color of paint or a beautiful design coming to life, there was my dread. My grief buried behind the pigment and the thread.

I would turn my head away. I would close my eyes tightly and grasp at my heart, trying to find my breath.

Anger!

“I hate you! I hate your beauty!”

I would stand, transfixed in adoration at a beautiful creation. And inside, I would begin to weep.

“I could never have this. I could never create beauty.”

I would imagine the colors flowing through me turning to ash on the canvas. That beauty would travel through me and become a deformed, wretched thing.

“I would kill you, if you were mine. You would become nothing.”

The thick layers of oil paint clogging up inside my throat as I stared into their colors.

Repulsive!

I was mocked and cursed by the spirit’s call to beauty.

‘Create.’

It says.

‘Adore.’

It says.

And I would follow the path, always leading to beautiful things and the same hollow grief.

“Spirit, why do you mock me in this way? Why do you curse my heart in this way?”

One day, I began to embrace the hatred within. It wasn’t easy. I felt as though I was a clawed demon, trying to scratch through the doors of my holding pen.

I would cry out, clawing at the shadows that circled me.

“Leave me alone!”

How did I get here, why was beauty on the other side of this horrific pain? How could I ever get there?

The path seemed wide and endless. Perilous.

It seemed to want to eat me alive.

How would I survive?

Months of trying left me feeling like a rug hanging over a balcony railing, the dust thoroughly beaten out of its grain with a broom handle.

Suddenly, there I was. Creating. Moving, gliding. Feeling the edges of my inner canvas.

Feeling where the desire to destroy began, and where the desire to create ended. They were on the same continum it seemed.

The fire that leapt from me into beautiful color and formation, was the same fire that then came to claim its creation.

Where does creation end and its destruction begin? I had to discover.

Both had been entangled within me. The desire to create and to destroy. The thirst for beauty and the repulsion of its presence. They lived inside of each other.

As I walked those treacherous fields around creation, I allowed myself to understand. I allowed myself to feel the story unfolding and to breathe deep, as the story drew to its conclusion.

I saw that it wasn’t the color or the shapes that I loved. It was the breath of creation that drew me in.

And deep inside that breath was the story of destruction, too.

Was I able to dance along the edges of the volcano of creation without falling in? Could I walk the tight-rope of emerging beauty without collapsing it upon itself.

We are all creators, masterful in the artistry of balance. The light touch of the creative mind.

We are all destroyers, unparalleled in our ability to decimate. When we seek to destroy, we do so with wild, primal abandon.

Where do you tread with artful balance in your life? Where do you feverishly create and then pull back when its time-allowing your creation to live out a life before its destruction?

This is a beautiful skill to hone, and one that is yours to behold.

You’ll dance along the edges of life’s breath with masterful ease.

You’ll adore your creations and breathe as you let go and let them have a life of their own.

You’ll know the vast expanses of your inner canvas, and where its boundaries are.

And in this, you’ll Play.

With Love,

Heba

Keepers of the Light

I hope this post finds you. I hope it finds you well.

You know who you are.

Life knocks you over, and you somehow find strength to stand again.

You are a keeper of the light, a torch holder.

Did you know that the light you shine is so important? We need you.

You light the way for others, as they travel those narrow passageways.

You travel further up ahead than the others, to leave hanging orbs of light – – -beacons to guide the way.

You often find yourself alone, or perhaps you travel with a pack that you soon outgrow.

There’s a reason for this aloneness, it’s because you race up ahead to guide the way.

Some others are ahead of you as well, the Ancient Ones. You feel their call, a different kind of beacon.

Your soul-pack may sometimes be divided. As you take turns pulling and pushing energy. Calling out to each other when a path has been forged.

“Come this Way!”

You are the Keepers of the Light. And we need you.

We need you to uphold the vibration of Heaven, even in the midst of Hell. To believe, when all others have forgotten. To keep focus, when the line of vision has become hazy.

You have a different kind of vision, one that sees beyond, one that sees Through.

And where others may see nothingness, you see The Way.

Do not discount this vision, even when you feel alone.

You came with the power to rise, after a thousand deaths. Decimated, you again remember the fire that burns within you.

You hear the ancient call to rise, and you remember. You say, “I am.”

You stand upon a mountaintop, draped in billowing fabric. You remember who you are. You say, “I am.”

And life-force pours into you, greater than ever before. You remember that you are a channel. You make way for life to flow through you, you prepare to receive. Your arms swing outward and upward, head fallen back to gaze [eyes closed] at the sky.

Chest lifted, arms open. You say, “I receive.”

“That which flows through me is from – – – The Beginning. That which becomes me, has a thousand eyes. This sight is eternal and full. Origin breath, to origin breath – I breathe. I am. My mind, and the eternal mind. Mind of the whole. Gentle, Light. I am.”

I hope that today you remember, ‘I am the keeper of the light.’ You believe in the good when no one else can. This belief is sacred and quiet. This belief is beyond the world of man.

You sustain the vibration of breath and lightness. You do not deny the heaviness of life, instead you remember who you are.

What if Light itself stared into Dark for so long, that it forgot itself? It looked and looked, and all it saw was Dark.

What if it became that which it saw, outside of itself? Forgetting itself. Diminishing itself. Absorbing the Dark into itself, because of its constant gaze into the Darkness.

“I must not exist.” The Light might say. “I must be nothing, meaningless, empty, irrelevant.”

“This Dark is everywhere. It must be Something. It must powerful.”

What if the Light submitted to the Dark?

Would you not yell as loud as you could, “Light! Wake up! We need you! You are not the Dark! You are Light! Look within and you’ll see yourself! Stop looking at the Dark! Look within, you’ll remember!”

Wouldn’t you want Light to expand again, to rise above the horizon like a fiery sun reclaiming the day?

The Light never needs to defeat Dark. It only needs to Shine. It only needs to remember itself, and to immerse fully in that remembrance.

You have vast, open fields of space around you. These fields are ready for your light. They say, ‘come’. They say, ‘we will be the place for you to spread your light’.

Do not stand in the Dark, stuck and afraid. You are light itself. Remember this, and you will shine again. Not by fighting the dark, only by remembering who you are.

We need you.

You did not come to serve, you did not come to help. You came to be yourself, and that is all we need.

❤

With Love,

Heba

So Hum

Come lay with me

In this bed of well-being.

The sun is at half mast

Celebrating the passing life of day

And soothing us into the whispers of dusk.

Come lay with me,

I won’t mind.

Lay with me in this warm light.

It forgets all that has been before,

It quiets the memory

And opens my heart.

My love,

My being.

I breathe deep,

Laying with you.

Letting the whispers

Rock my mind into peace

And

Quiet.

Seeing the Signs

Dear God, I don’t know what to do next. I did all the things, but I can’t see what’s next. How will it all work out, why won’t you show me?

Dear Universe, I did all of the things. I should be There by now, shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be where I asked to be? Why won’t you show me?

Dear University, I was promised success. I did all the things. And here I stand, lost. I don’t see where to go next. I don’t see my happiness. Why can’t you lead me?

Maybe you’ve felt or thought these things, or your own version of society’s restless prayer.

“Show me.”

Our eyes turn outward, scouring all within our gaze for answers, resolve, and success. Inside we demand or cry, “show me”.

Rest, easy. There’s a reason you cannot See.

And it’s the most beautiful reason of all.

It isn’t out there, what you’re looking for. It’s coming OUT of YOU. It is you that’s bringing it forth, which is why you can’t see it.

Doesn’t that make sense?

In the old way, we tried to predict or copy. We would set forward our whole day, maybe even project our whole life ahead of us. We would look towards success in the world, and then copy that success.

Easy, peasy.

The New Way doesn’t work like that. In the new way, we transmute energy. We breathe in inspiration, love, and revelation. We allow the nourishment of life to flow through us like a spinning carousel.

Breathing in life through our feet, allowing it to make its way through our system and then exhaling a beautiful transmuted creation.

You can’t see it because it’s inside of you, making its way back out. You are breathing out creation. You are breathing out your own version of heaven.

You can’t see it, but you can feel it. Here in this new way, you open up to your other senses.

Imagine the first people trying to define the sense of smell. How do you quantify a sense? There are receptors that are reacting to Something and giving you evidence of that Something as defined by that specific receptor.

Now imagine you have more senses than the ones we know about. Sight, smell, hearing, taste, touch, and that “sixth” sense where you can “feel” someone looking at you.

Let’s say you now have 3 additional senses. You can feel things in new ways. You can detect what is Becoming, before it is receivable by the known senses. You would need these additional senses, if you were to be one who transmutes energy.

You don’t need these new senses in the Old Way, which involves projecting and replicating. The original, known senses are incredibly important in the old way. They are made to absorb what has become and to create more of it. It’s a genius way to sustain a creation.

As you rise to the New, you’ll need to turn your gaze inward. And by gaze I mean, “sensors”. You’ll have to trust in what is being re-worked and re-made and is making its way into the world, through you.

If you imagine yourself as a television channel and you’re streaming cartoons. Your outward perspective would be looking at the person watching You.

You wouldn’t be able to see yourself. But you would KNOW yourself. You could feel the energetic movement that is collecting, dispersing, and shape shifting to create Something that is being viewed by others. “I am cartoon.” But you would not be able to see the You that is “cartoon”.

Can you live your life Being the evidence of that which you seek, rather than Looking for evidence? It’s a big question. It’s a big change.

It means enlivening some of those other, yet unknown and unpracticed senses.

“If I can’t see it because it is coming OUT of me, how can I Feel it? How can I detect that which is forming and becoming THROUGH me?”

Lay that into your consciousness, allowing for the answers to bloom within you.

I hope that today you feel unencumbered. I hope that you understand that you were always meant to be Wholly yourself. I hope you know that when a life of replicating and projecting no longer feels good, there is a life here for you.

I mean to say to you, welcome. Welcome to You. Welcome to a life that feels like you. Welcome to the magic of Becoming. I’m here to say to you, this place was always for you. I’m so happy you’re here. I’m so excited for what you’ll create. It will feel good and calm and delicious. You never had to copy what was “out there”. You just had to Believe long enough to realize, you were meant to be You. Life is so lucky to have you, as its creator and its Liver.

[I love when Spirit delivers a dual-meaning message. The liver of life. And what does the liver do in the human body? It is a detoxifier, balancer, it helps digest and sort the icky from the beneficial. It’s involved in hundreds of tasks in the body and is vital to the organism’s survival. It is the largest solid organ in the human body.

You are vital and needed, doing exactly whatever it is that you do. It’s not supposed to seem important to the world. It’s supposed to Feel like You, just as you are. Don’t try to feel important or do something important, You as yourself are exactly what life wants and needs.]

❤

With Love,

Heba