Confessions of an Energy Worker: An Interview with MysticMag

I had the pleasure of chatting with Sarah at MysticMag and answering some questions about being intuitive, what being ‘psychic’ means to me, and how I use my gifts to connect with others.

It always a bit challenging to talk about the metaphysical realm and what I do, but I love the experience of trying to put something large and abstract into words. Luckily for me, Sarah was able to translate my words perfectly into written form.

Here is an excerpt of the interview, read the full version at

When did you start practising intuitive readings and why?

I started tarot reading in 2007 and then I started my current format of intuitive readings a little over a year ago. I’ve always been tuned in to something a little bit deeper and have always been curious about intuitive readings so it came quite naturally to me.

When did you first start to believe or feel that you were ‘different’ from others, in that you could tap into people’s energy sources and make a difference?

When I was about four or five years old, I started seeing a milky white cloud around people, and I could understand what people were feeling without them having to explain. If I touched them on a certain part of their body they would calm down. I thought this to be totally ‘normal’ until much later in life.

I knew that I was feeling more about people and seeing deeper than others did or could and it was as if I had access to a ‘backstage’. I was going behind a curtain of perception. 

Today, because I have spent so much time in peoples’ energy fields, this vision of a cloud has become more refined and sophisticated. I have a better understanding of what I see.

…continue reading here

New Age Thought: Is It Really That New?

I soak up metaphysical philosophies like a sponge. I love twisting and turning my perspectives to see things in a new ways. Challenging old beliefs, for me, is the only way to evolve.

The idea that Thoughts turn to Things, dates as far back as (at least) the times of Jesus and his teachings. We’ve seen the same idea reinvented and re-worded to better relate to current times.

From the Seth Books, to The Secret, to Abraham Hicks many have been changing their approach to life and their thoughts in the pursuit of achieving dreams and desires.

I remember my mind expanding as I imagined into the possibility of having more creative control in my life. I liked the idea of feeling less powerless in life and more deliberate. For years I’ve been weaving new teachings into daily life and evaluating the outcome [in terms of overall life happiness as well as dreams attained].

For awhile I took a break from “working” the philosophy of Manifesting my desires. I wanted to not care for a bit. And slowly, a new idea started creeping in. Something that felt better. Different. Exciting.

I was thinking about the Law of Attraction and how I’d been applying the teachings of deliberate manifestation. I felt as though in practice it was all starting to feel uncomfortably familiar.

That there was this Law, or the idea of The Universe at large, responding to you. An invisible Power. If you could get your thoughts just right, your energy just right, Good Things would be bestowed upon you. But if your thoughts were off, your energy pointing in the wrong direction, Bad Things would come-or the absence of the Good you asked for.

And when things didn’t work out the way you thought they would, it was your fault. “What am I doing wrong? How can I be better?

So you try harder, apply yourself more than ever before. Still, the results are not consistent.

I felt at times oppressed by an invisible power that dictated whether I got what I wanted and whether I didn’t. And it was based upon whether my thoughts and actions were…in a sense…good enough. And when they weren’t, I was to blame. It was as though I had an instruction manual to life, but some important pages were missing.

I loved the idea of these teachings from a technical stand point. But they began to echo the age-old battle between Good and Evil. Drawing familiar parallels with religious texts that speak of sin and redemption, pleasing God or feeling His wrath.

Why is there so often a gap between knowledge and practice? Are the teachings incomplete? Or is it that humans tend to fall back into the idea of worthiness, reward and punishment, no matter what new path is available to be followed.

Will we ever be free of feeling like Sinners…hoping for the Grace of an all powerful Entity?

Is there another approach to mastering life? I believe there is.

This is Part 1 of a series.

Divine Expression

Wallace D. Wattles writes of a boy sitting at a piano, frustrated that he can’t compel his hands to make the music he feels inside. He uses this story to illustrate that feeling we all have to create. That compulsion to Do and to Become.

Wattles writes, “God, the One Substance, is trying to live and do and enjoy things through humanity. He is saying “I want hands to build wonderful structures, to play divine harmonies, to paint glorious pictures; I want feet to run my errands, eyes to see my beauties, tongues to tell mighty truths and to sing marvelous songs,” and so on.”

I feel like this is one of those very core challenges of our human life. We feel that undeniable urge to do something or become something and we’re not sure how to get there. One of the most frustrating things I can think of is trying to express something I feel so strongly and yet don’t possess the skills to accurately bring forward.

It’s another way of describing potential. The potentiality of what we may become and what we might do. In the space of infinite potential, we are masters of all things. But how do we live out that potential? How do we birth the ideas flowing through our mind and desires coursing through our spirit?

I’ve often stood at that threshold between the deep urge to bring something forward and the actual manifestation of that feeling. It can be disheartening, infuriating. Like sitting in front of a blank canvas with a flood of creative energy inside you, but there’s a gap between you and the paints and brushes. Some strange crevice separating the potential from its fruition.

A few months ago I was contemplating that desire to create-to create something new. It was hard. It felt hard to speak the words in the write way, or to draw the picture as it should be. Like no expression of that feeling within would justify it fully.

And I thought, well that must be the point. No One creation can be good enough or complete enough to express the divinity that flows within us. So maybe it’s not about completeness. Maybe it’s the furthest thing away from perfection. Maybe the point is in the practice of trying. The attempt to give expression to the divine within.

Maybe that divine breath of life isn’t wanting to express a complete picture or outcome, maybe it just wants to express. Maybe it’s not about that boy becoming the greatest piano player in the world, maybe it’s about the steps he takes. How that urge within shapes him and his reality.

Isn’t it true that all the decisions we make and thoughts we ponder are related to some desire inside of us? That our Wanting absolutely shapes our lives and our personalities.

And so perhaps feeling complete and satisfied doesn’t come from fully becoming what’s in our mind but in the movement in the direction of its fulfillment.

Maybe God just wants to you go this way or that way, not to get somewhere, but to experience the Movement. The feelings, thoughts, and experiences that arise when you choose to move forward in a direction or Towards something. Maybe that’s what life is.

As I look back on my life, it seems to be made up of experiences compelled by my desire to get somewhere or have something. Really it’s a slideshow of events that wouldn’t have been playing if I wasn’t chasing something.

Do we have a life if we aren’t chasing something? Is life made up of: The Story of You…Trying. The Unfolding of an Attempt. The Story of How I Got Somewhere and Decided I Wanted to Be Somewhere Else [Part IV].

But we can’t help but feel the irresistible urge to Express, to Want. And it doesn’t matter if the expression is a mess or a graceful dance, only that its allowed a Way. And when you give it a Way, you are satisfying yourself and All That Is. Simply so.

The Clarity of Love

I do a lot of energetic traveling, you could say. If I have a problem or a query I’m working on, I feel into it and around it. I feel out where it derives from and what relates to it. I swim all around until I start to feel clarity. Like when you’re trying to figure something out and the solution begins to drift into your mind. “Light-bulb moments”. Except the light-bulb moments feel like a cool breeze washing over you on a hot day. Or that feeling when you’ve just cleaned or organized a room and you gaze at the space with a feeling of peace and accomplishment.

I read something once that said, “you’re strong enough to be gentle”. I’d like to adapt that to, “I’m strong enough to be loving”. I wouldn’t have thought that being loving takes strength. But love does feel hard sometimes doesn’t it? Why is that? What’s that tense feeling that comes up sometimes in relation to love?

In my understanding, that tension is being dependent another person’s words and actions and how they relate to you. If we subscribe to the idea that being loving (through words or actions) makes one vulnerable, and we cannot guarantee another’s reaction to it, then tension or unease seems like a pretty natural outcome.

But what if we were Strong enough to be loving? Brave enough to be kind? What does that really mean?

It means that I will be who I am, without needing you to be a certain way. I’ll know who I am and act in that way, without basing it on external validation. “But what if…” is the beginning of every nervous feeling. The tipping point between confidence and flailing.

What would it be like to stand full and complete in yourself, to feel the impulse of love and peace and to speak from that place? Would the outcome matter if the expression was full of You, acting from your highest?

Could you express this way? Could you speak and act from your highest and let go of the expectations of what might follow?

I’ve found that love is the answer to everything I ask. Cheesy, I know. But it’s true.

All answers and solutions are found in the feeling-space of love. And when you can’t find that feeling-space in relation to something you’re working on…then that’s what you need to work on. Let go of what you think you need to solve and begin the journey to see the subject through the eyes of love.

You’ll find that you are no longer dependent on anybody or anything to work a certain way. You won’t need anyone to be a certain way. Suddenly, you’ll release your attachments and expectations and the path to follow will be clear and obvious.

The only things that cause confusion are rooted in fear. When you let go and step away from fear (as you make your way towards love), the confusion naturally dissipates. You cannot be in love and in confusion at the same time.

I’ve found that we look at others critically, fearfully, and defensively when we think one of these two things about them:

1. They have the power to affect my life. 2. I need something from them to feel good.

Both of these can be assuaged by reclaiming ourselves and our own power. Can another affect how I’m feeling, by affecting what I’m thinking about? NO. Others bring you opportunities to choose your response to their behavior or words. No one has control or power over what you think in your own mind and how those thoughts cause you to feel.

Be kind not to elicit a ‘response to kindness’ from another, but because it feels good to be kind. Because it feels good to act from a place that feels like the ‘real you’. And no matter how someone responds, you still know who you are. You are kindness.

So who are you today? Are you anger or are you kindness? Have you let the external world determine You, or are you staying steady in your own knowing?

I have begun on a journey of dating adventures. I call them adventures because to me, it feels like a journey to foreign, unknown lands. What are the customs here? What do I wear? How should I speak?

I’ve felt myself shrinking into a Small Me, wobbling around in uncertainty. Where I’m used to seeing easy, clear flowing energy…there are piles of rubbish and chaos. Dark monuments to distant memories and shadowy distractions.

Where was I? Not where is this place, but where is Me? Where is Me? She wasn’t here, not the Heba I’ve come to know anyway. I was far away from my light.

So I used all my tools to gather myself and make the journey back to Me. Once I reached familiar ground, I turned around to shut a big, heavy, iron door to that foreign, uneasy place. But mid-swing, I stopped. How will I ever learn to traverse those lands?

Am I strong enough to be Myself and walk through that haze? I contemplated this.

Earlier, I debated sending a message to someone I liked. I felt the haziness starting to descend. I was slipping into confusion (fear) and away from love. Suddenly a big wave came over me. This feeling of ME. Who I am. How I like to be in this world. And I felt, oh I know her. I know what she would say and what she would do in this situation.

She would choose love. Because no matter what happened, she would still be with herself, and herself was Love. It was my first moment of clarity. The first beam of light shining through that hazy, unknown land.

“Ok, I can do this. I think I’m strong enough to be loving. I want to be strong enough to be loving. Strong enough to be myself.”

And the words of the message I wanted to send were clear. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, and it felt good. It felt like me.

Guidance from the Highest

What is a guide, and where the heck are they guiding you?

When I first started reading [energy], I did not refer to anyone as a guide. In fact, I call what I do “channeling” now, but it came through described as “reading”. The difference is in perspective and in how I relate to what I’m doing.

I bought a notebook and began recording my experience of reading/channeling once it began. Mostly I wrote down what sounded like a manual. Directions, tips and tricks. Answers to my questions or concerns.

I remember writing down that the people around me would help to give me the words to label what I was doing. People are good at categorizing and labeling. So I would just do what I do, and see what happened. Pretty soon everybody had words for me.

I would compare the word against what I felt I was doing and if it felt okay, I’d write it down. I compiled a list of the words people used to describe me and the experience. I reflected on it often to feel which words still resonated with me and which fell flat.

I remember when someone used the word “guides”. I really liked it. Not in its accuracy, but because it conveyed a similar feeling to what I was experiencing. Yes, that was on the right track.

My goal a long time ago was to be a doctor or a physician’s assistant. I went to school to study Biology. My life ended up having other plans for me, but that examining part of me still exists. I tend not to label because labels are an end point. And end points are not desirable to someone such as myself, who likes to take off labels and dissect what’s inside.

I recently read a book about channeling. I had avoided any literature of the kind up until now. I wanted to directly experience and understand without other people’s ideas clouding my vision.

I didn’t even realize I was buying a book about channeling, I had been looking up trance states. One thing led to another and I started reading this book. A few chapters in, I made the connection. “Ohh, this is channeling? Mm, okay.” It sounded exactly like what I do, except I never felt like I was channeling some other entity.

There was no division. No one said, “hello we come from beyond we are your guides”. But most everything else was like a spot-on description of what had transpired for me. Everything besides the idea that I was channeling some other specific being. That didn’t feel accurate.

But still, I liked this word ‘guides’. It translated well. People understood what I was trying to convey if I said “guides” much more than when I said things like “tapping into the multitude of consciousness of all that is, that includes us, is us, and so much more. transmitting from the place known to all. where we are one. a place, a consciousness that is not separate or apart from your own but includes mine and yours. speaking from all-ness to you in a way that can be understood from your specifically focused now-perspective. where everything melds together into knowing. you could say streaming from the place of all knowledge and streaming the Knowers of that knowledge interchangeably. the ‘place’ where all IS and the knowing that exists there are the same.”

So…’guides’ was just easier. I tried to feel into the place where I go when I “channel” and I tried to see it through the filter of having “guides”. But it didn’t click for me. I felt Guidance, sure. I felt support. I felt love. But there was no feeling of “other”. Just presence. Presence. Steady, sure, knowing. Like it was us in a more expanded state, looking back at us.

When I read for people they often say things like:

Oh yeh, I knew that I just wasn’t sure.”

I felt that was the right thing to do, but I doubted myself.

“I feel like I already knew that.’

“‘That sounds like something I would say.”

They hear the words spoken and they feel relief and clarity. The words “I know”.

I know that. I knew that.

Why? Because I’m reflecting who-they-are back to them. I’m magnifying their self-guidance and leaving behind the other ‘noise’ that’s created in the mind. The words feel familiar, they feel like love, they feel like they make sense – because they are their own words that have been drowned out by distraction or not yet found by their conscious awareness.

The answer to everything you ask is hovering around you. You may or may not make the journey to retrieve the answer, but it’s there. It’s known by the quieter parts of you. When I read someone, those answers look like a light off in the distance, and there is a trail that leads from where they stand now to that Knowing. That’s the trail I ride in a reading. That’s where we travel to together. Along all those trails that lead to what you want to know. It’s all there, in the atmosphere of your being.

We can all tap into that illustrious higher guidance.

Help me to hear clearly. Let the voice of my own highest guidance rise above the rest. Let my doubts fall away so that my Knowing is undeniable. Help me flow my way to the understanding I seek.

These are the words of prayer. To connect you back in with yourself. This world is a world of distraction, distortion, and disconnection. Because it is a world of freedom and variety. It’s up to each of us to maintain a steady connection to our broader knowing. Distraction is inevitable. It’s in our practice of discerning between the inner voice and the “outer” voice that we can regain balance.

The work I’ve done lately with others has been relaying their own knowing back to them. Knowing from their larger selves. Knowledge that seems unavailable simply because we don’t travel to where it is held.

There is other knowledge as well. About our universe, other dimensions, purpose, the nature of existence. Interestingly, when I sit with someone, these seemingly grand ideas rarely come up. Often it’s a desire for reconnection. You wants to tell You something.

The focus typically resides in the attitude of “a better life”. Living better. My life. My details. My desires. My trajectory. Who am I? What am I doing? What happens next?

We are self-consumed. Obsessed with our own lives and our specific perspective of life and the world. This isn’t a bad thing. This is natural to the human condition. It just IS. We were made this way, to be invested in our own life and individual perspective. It’s not selfish, it’s human. Or rather, it is selfish, because it is human to be so.

But included in that selfishness, that humanness, it the desire to be Kind. To be Loving. To create Harmony. The ones we point at and say, “You’re selfish!” are in fact not being selfish. They are not self-directed, they are “outer self” directed. To be human, to be truly selfish, you naturally lean towards equilibrium in your environment and with the others in the same space. To desire well-being for Self is to desire well-being for All.

It’s because I know how to love myself that I know how to love you. It’s because I know how valuable I am, that I know how valuable you are. Anyone not operating in this way is not selfish, they are momentarily perceptually self-absent. If you look at someone and you see them as void of value, part of you seems yourself as void of value. Or part of you is perceiving You as incomplete, apart from the fullness that you are. It is always the case.

The guidance from “guides” is not guiding you towards some greater knowing or intention that is different or apart from you. It’s not about telling your guides, “Hey you go fix this. Make this better”. Their role is to help you understand how your world works and how to operate within it in a way that feels satisfying and powerful.

This morning my prayer changed in attitude, spontaneously. New words arose.

It’s not your job to run my life for me. To fix things that I feel powerless to control. It’s your role, as I see it, to guide me to be better at being a human. To understand the human stance. To understand how to wield my power and how it works. To understand how things work and what my place is in the working of all things.

This one time while I was living in Florida I was so unclear about my direction. In a moment of desperation I yelled out, what do you want me to do?!

A sarcastic reply emerged, “Here we’ll write you a detailed list of every next step in your life. Every feeling you should feel. Every thought you should have. Who you should spend time with. What clothes you should wear.” On and on they went until I said, ‘Okay fine I get it’.

I had to choose. What did I want next in my life? What did I want? What do I want? It’s not a mystery, it’s a choice. Your choice.

Nothing is unknown when you have a desire to know.

Guidance doesn’t replace you, it helps you to become more of Yourself.