The Inside of Love

You can’t find it, because it’s not lost.

You can’t search for it, because it’s already here.

I closed my eyes and asked, “tell me about my love” and I flipped to a page in my Tao Te Ching. It read:

The Mysterious One is the source of the universe. She is continually, endlessly giving forth life, without effort.

I thought, okay, that’s accurate. That does sound like Love. But, tell me about my lover.

And as I revised the question, my thoughts began to shift direction.

So, a lover is Love made manifest. One of the many ways that divine essence expresses itself.

I realized then a series of fascinating truths.

You can never be without your love (defined here as a physical person), because you can’t be without the essence of love itself. And they are in fact, an expression of that Love. That essence forged into a physical manifestation.

The human or humans that you call your loves cannot be put on trial, or judged for who they are as individuals. They are free, whole and full within themselves as individual beings. We cannot judge a person, only the relationship with the person.

And when we judge or reflect into the relationship with a person, we are actually looking at our own relationship with divine essence.

Lastly, love can never be held in a static space. We can never expect another to be the same, essentially. If we look closer at what Essence is, that invisible thing that breathes life into all that is, it never holds steady in static form. It is always, by all definitions, Alive. Dynamic. Life never stops pulsating and moving.

How can we expect that which manifests from that dynamic essence to stay the same? How can we hold firmly to that which is renewed constantly by the breath of life? We can’t. We love like we breathe. Easy, always renewing, always circulating.

In this, love is never ceasing. It is always renewing.

Where does love go?

The essence of love expresses into your life where it’s most called for, where your attention is flowing and where its Breath would be of most benefit. It moves like the waves of Starling murmurations in the sky. And when we allow for this flow to be, to trust that Love knows us and what we want and is only providing benefit, we find ease in the shifts of expression.

We allow Love to express over here one day, and over there the next. Knowing that if we’re easy with it, if we flow along with that Breath, we won’t get lost in Where It’s Not.

Love does not know absence. Because it is always where it is. It cannot be without itself and is always expressing into our lives. It shifts and morphs like a chameleon or an octopus to embody endless formations of Love Expressed.

Where is Love expressing in your life right now? Through people? Experiences? Insights? Animals?

I would say, “Thank you, Love. I see you. Thank you so much. That’s beautiful.”

And then think, “You know me so well. You know what I like. I’ll just let my gaze follow your essence, knowing that it can only lead me to more love, in endless varied forms. And for sure, for sure, for sure, toward those forms that please me most. Thank you, Love”

The Dark Side of Channeling

As I’m beginning to coach others in learning to channel, I’ve had to assemble a sort of guide for the process. I began with certain “rules” for channeling. I later looked at those requirements and thought: Hm no, those aren’t requirements for channeling. They are MY requirements for channeling.

I realized this was an important distinction.

We are all channeling all the time. Essentially streaming spirit through physical bodies and filters of perception. Not only through physical bodies, but AS physical bodies. All being an expression of that energy that we translate as body and things and experiences.

Sometimes our ‘channeling’ goes really well. We feel happy and pleased with ourselves and what surrounds us. Sometimes our ‘channeling’ feels horrible, the good now seems dark and duplicitous.

So here is my distinction. If you look at channeling-through-trance more closely, one could understand it as seeing through a much wider lens while gathering much more information than we do in our daily lives.

I specifically tune to the highest good, that which offers the most benefit and love to all involved. That which uplifts, inspires, and connects.

Can you channel through trance and tune to something else?


You can tune into anything. You can tune into distortion or darkness, or other planets, or dimensions we don’t understand from our perspective. Additionally, your own fears or judgments can distort your translation of the information you’re receiving.

Any ‘good’ channeler seeks to be the clearest channel possible, the least distorted.

Earlier this week I happened to repeat the same story several times. It illustrated a very important concept. When beginning to channel, you peel away the layers of personality. Everything becomes more exposed. So those icky thoughts you were harboring that seemed like no big deal, they suddenly feel very different.

Those ‘negative’ thoughts take on new shapes from that perspective-looking through the lens of lighter density. They are no longer expressed as words, but as shapes. They are understood differently from this new perspective.

And since you’ve risen a bit, since you’re peering through a new lens, those thoughts can look like scary shadowy figures. But how?? Those silly negative thoughts seemed like no big deal.

That’s because from a denser perspective, we have more tolerance for negativity. We can ‘live with it’. It allows us to have a more expansive experience here. To hold light and darkness more easily.

As we peel away the layers of density, we see how disruptive those negative thoughts really are. If we saw them as dark scary monsters in “real life”, we would have way less tolerance for them! We would say, get outta here!

Rather we harbor thoughts of doubt or unworthiness or resentment without blinking an eye. Allowing them to disrupt our energy states for unnecessary lengths of time.

When you relax and begin to rise and open into a channeling experience, there is absolutely no space for any negative thought. Any thought that restricts Light feels almost catastrophic. And then you have two choices, to let go of that thought and continue to rise, or come down to the place of restricted light where that thought is emanating from.

Both options would have a feeling of relief. But they would lead to two very different channeling experiences.

It’s my duty to stay high, to stay in the good, no matter what pulls at me in that state. Sometimes you are reading someone who is being weighed down by negative thought. It’s your duty NOT to follow those thoughts, as much as it is compelling.

In regular, day-to-day life, we think it is loving to feel pain with those we love. To follow others into the darkness, that together is better than alone. Or, we think it’s admirable to have self-defeating or “humbling” thoughts. But energetically speaking, joining someone in misery is the least loving thing you could do. It’s the least helpful. Harboring thoughts of being ‘less than’ is the least beneficial thing you could do to serve those around you, yourself, or society in general.

These kinds of things distract our focus from light and well-being.

So what about the monsters and demons and evil of the world? They are not much different from that self-defeating thought you just had about yourself. Or looking at someone and finding them annoying. Or being angry at the person in the car in front of you for driving too slow.

People worry about creatures of the dark when we live with them all the time. We just know them as resentment, jealousy, anger, sadness, fear, and doubt.

Anyone can channel and tell you fantastical stories of darkness and evil. They are saying to you, this is where I tune to. Or, this is my level of distortion. These stories are no different from the stories we hear all the time, just using different verbiage.

“And the demon came and sucked out all your light.” =
“And when we didn’t call me back, I felt worthless.”

Sometimes it’s more comforting to blame the demons then face our own painful reactions to life.

Anyone can also channel and tell you fantastical stories of angels and light realms. They are saying to you, this is where I tune to. Or, this is my level of distortion. Here again we have the same stories, from two different vantage points of perception.

“An angel came and took away your darkness, immersing you in light and love.” =

“I shared a good laugh with an absolute stranger today! I remembered how good it feels to laugh, and I let go of those heavy things I was carrying.”

People want to know, well which is the TRUTH? The answer will always be the same, WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO BE TRUE? Do you want to hold light within you or darkness? It’s your choice. You can believe that the basis of all things is a pit of nothingness, or the brightest star we’ve ever known.

Speaking from personal experience, one of those feels way better than the other. For me, the truth is Light. Because in following darkness, there is nothing. A lack of life. If I define ‘truth’ as that which compels life, then Truth is Light.

It takes more bravery to tune to the light and so, attempt to express from that space in your daily life. Because the light pulls you forward, it challenges you to rise. The darkness takes less bravery because it does not pull forward, it restricts. Inevitably, we choose light because all life seeks to expand and multiply. It’s part of our coding.

This doesn’t mean that we can’t ever dabble in the darkness or have negative emotions, on the contrary. We are meant to fully experience the range of this life and choose what feels best. We can watch scary movies for the fun of it or listen to a sad song for a good cry. We can stay in a relationship that makes our heart ache for the sake of feeling deeply. That’s the beauty of life.

But it’s important to know that wherever you choose to tune to is a direct reflection of the stories you tell and the images you see. Whether that’s in a channeling session or in daily life.

My rules [so far] for channeling:

Know yourself, know your foundation

Let your foundation be one of light and love

Meditate often so that you know the difference between Thought and Presence

Know your darkness and face it and dismiss it Fearlessly

Never speak words that restrict light

[It’s better to spend years forming a solid foundation of light and self-knowing than to jump in and feel lost in a sea of energy goo.]

Guidance from Within

What does your inner voice sound like? How do you know what your intuition sounds like?

First things first, if you want to tap into your inner guidance, find the most peaceful and happy feeling that you can. Even in the middle of turmoil, pause and focus.

Close your eyes and feel your breath. Reach for the happiest thing you can think of, whatever comes to mind that feels better.

In this stance, you are preparing yourself for listening.

Your inner voice speaks quietly. It’s gentle. Always speaking words of love or calm. It feels like something opening or a knot being undone.

Its guidance always feels simple and loving, easy. It never, ever advises harm to you or anyone. It is uncomplicated, effortless.

Knowing the hallmark traits of your inner guidance helps you to know when you’re truly tapping in to your highest.

Does life suddenly feel a little lighter? Do you feel more compassion for yourself? Do you feel a sense of connection rather than isolation?

Listening to your inner guidance or intuition means that you are consciously acknowledging something very important.

It means that you know that you have the answer you are looking for. You know that you are a wise, loved Being having a sometimes messy but invigorating life experience.

No one knows You better than You. You’re receiving the guidance and direction you seek. It comes to you so naturally, so seamlessly, that you sometimes look right past it.

We sometimes get used to difficulty, so when the answer lies somewhere that feels Easy…it takes a bit of energetic movement to sync up with that answer.

The good news is that it’s easy to make the energetic moves to get to a good place of listening. You do it all the time when you’re not paying attention to your suffering.

You get lost in a good song, or laugh at something, or gaze at something beautiful.

Much like your physical body is a self-regulating system tuned to the highest well-being, your energetic body operates in a similar manner. It also seeks your highest well-being, it wants to be in a state of equilibrium and harmony.

It will distract you, or even put you to sleep in an unexpected nap or an early bedtime so that your energetic makeup can readjust without interruption.

One of my most treasured mantras is “I Know.” It returns us to truth. Somewhere in me, I Know. And I’m just syncing up with that deep, beautiful knowing.

So a little while into a meditation I’ll smile and softly say or think, I Know. And I’ll touch my heart space with my palm and smile and say or think, “I Know”.

So here’s your reminder that You Know. You know your best, you know your highest. You know love and clarity. You might not always have the words to express that Knowing, but it reflects in how you move. In the words you say and the decisions you make. The knowing unfolds as your path, easily and effortlessly.

Cultivating Stillness

You know how they tell you to find a point to focus on when you’re spinning so you don’t get dizzy?

spin around – look at your point – spin – look – spin – focus

But sometimes is feels like your point is spinning too. What happens when life feels so unsteady and your tried and true focal point isn’t there?

You remember that the only true point of steadiness is inside. And it can’t be any other way.

I practiced Chan meditation when I lived in Tallahassee. My teacher, Guo Gu, was brilliant. But I always wanted him to be less strict. To waver from the rules and guidelines he taught us.

But no matter how compelling a question was, or how captivating someone’s story was, he never budged. The rules remained unchanged.

Every year that passes I’m more and more thankful for his teaching. Because he taught me to trust in the stillness inside. No exceptions.

“But teacher, I see beautiful colors and lights in meditation.”

Him: “Stay focused on your breath.”

“But teacher, I think I just heard the answer to a question I’ve been asking for years.”

Stay focused on your breath.

“But teacher a fly tickles my nose.”

Stay focused on your breath.

I learned to find comfort in the uncomfortable. To return to the mundane when I was most mesmerized.

For the sake of cultivating stillness, a solid foundation within. Unmoving, unchanging. Even as the world swirls around in color and sound.

Even as your inner world rises and falls in emotion. The observer is still, silent, watching.

Chaos can be so compelling and consuming that you might imagine that stillness no longer exists.

But it does.

Close your eyes. Let any sounds around you dissolve into Sound. Listen for the silence inside the noise. Follow your breath’s journey.

And always, always, always you will find stillness. Unchanged. Unwavering. Grounding you to the earth and opening you to the freedom of eternal space.

You’ll remember that you are untouched by the world. You are as pure and steady as a baby new into the world. You are beyond your memories and your thoughts. You are beyond experience.

You are the eternal observer, existing in a fresh, new moment. A moment that never existed before. A moment free of memory. Full of existence, of awareness Only.

Welcome to the moment. Immerse in the stillness, it’s all yours. Replenish yourself and return to the world, more steady than ever before.

The Lost Creative

I was mid yoga pose today when I had an epiphany. I haven’t used that word in ages. Nowadays it’s more about “insights” or even “revelations”, but this was most definitely an epiphany.

It echoed something that popped into my mind briefly this morning. Something about creativity. And here it was, more fully formed of an idea and just what I needed in my life right now.

I’ve been observing myself the last few months, and others around me. How are we handling these strange times? I’ve found that so many of my tried and true methods feel…old and irrelevant. Like a dull axe or a matchbox that’s been struck too many times to spark.

I was thinking and feeling something so quietly that I didn’t notice it. But then it came to the surface. It’s that I should have things figured out by now. Or that they should be “done” by now. Perfect, fixed, under my command in some way.

And if all my living and trying hasn’t whipped things into shape by now then…I’ll just steep in this undetected feeling of futility. Futility. I think that’s what it is. I see it and feel it within myself and as I look around at others.

But I don’t know how it got there. Rolling around in my thoughts and making my bones a little extra tired than usual. What happened?

I was convinced to give up in some way. Nothing felt new or fresh or exciting. Those trying to be inspirational talked too much of the past, trying to ‘get back to normal’. I realized how absolutely horrible that sounded.

Everything has changed, and it will never be “back” to anything it was before. That’s not how life works, it doesn’t move backwards. I realized I was thirsty for the new. What exists here that has never been before? What kind of new beauty or intrigue exists as a result of all that has changed?

That’s what I’m interested in. I don’t care about normal, or going back, or the practicality of dealing with changes. I want to know about the New that is available to us now. We live in a new world and it’s about time to turn my mind towards exploring it.

Which gets me to that epiphany. It was something along the lines of, “Heba, get creative! Stop thinking about how things are or what limitations exist and let it go. Get C-R-E-A-T-I-V-E.”

Oh yeh, creativity. I forgot about it. To sit back and be creative energetically, to be creative with my thinking. To really step outside the box and see what’s out there. I kept limiting my own creativity. I kept making it realistic.

But all that we know or have known in “reality” came from some unseen, creative place. Everything I love now was nothing before I lived it. It didn’t exist for me until I experienced it. And sometimes I set off to create more of the same, but that’s not how things came to me in the first place.

They came spontaneously. Or…one thing just led to another. Life unfolded itself and I fell in love with its details.

Have we forgotten to be creative because we’re all-consumed by the current status of the world? By our own woes and worries and fears?

Well, here’s your reminder to get creative. [And mine too.] Start imagining, imagine past your imagination even. Let go of all you’ve known and start discovering this new world with me. Can it be better than it ever was before? Can we honor those you didn’t get the chance to see what’s next?