At 5 a.m. this morning I opened my eyes and looked at the dark sky outside my window. I felt Awake.
I listened to the quiet and then to the birds begin their morning chattering.
My cat snored softly beside me in bed.
Over the last months I took a step back from channelling. I booked fewer sessions and spent less time tending to my website and online presence. I also stopped my ‘tuning-in’ times. I never really talk about those, but they’re blocks of time I take everyday to tune in and listen. I feel and follow where the feeling of joy and upliftment takes my thoughts.
I imagine what I want to do and how I want to do it. I check in and feel if something or someone is calling me. I send energy out stating my offering to the world and my community (in my imagination space) and I just tune myself.
I felt an update coming, in regards to how I do readings. I felt something changing, but I didn’t have enough space or attention to receive it. I needed to process some things. I needed to be focused in the physical more than before.
When I was ready to start listening again, I felt strange. Did spirit remember be? Had I betrayed myself in staying away so long? Is it okay to come home after ignoring the call for so long?
I knew the answers to these questions and yet it felt difficult. I felt like a fraud to myself. I felt shame.
I knew enough not to identify with these feelings. To do my best to keep navigating through and little by little realign with that fuller stream of energy.
Those uncomfortable feelings always arise when we transition through different perspectives. As we tighten and then widen our lens and back again.
The discomfort [I think] comes from the attachment to the framework of your current perspective. We like to get our bearings as quickly as possible so that we can process our environment and our relationship to it. I love this adaptive quality we have as humans. I love that our minds can quickly and efficiently setup a platform from which we can express into an environment.
I try to be more compassionate now with myself and the process as I shift from being in the very nitty gritty of physical life to being in full conscious reception of spirit.
I enjoyed taking a break from who I was before. I wanted to be new and fresh and express from that space.
One thing I love about channeling is that you can’t fake it. You can’t just grin and bear it, like we do with other things. You have to be ready, willing, and all in.
It’s nice to remember that when I started this, nothing had a name. I didn’t know what to call it. I chose “readings” because it was the best way to describe what I was doing when I initially sat down with someone. And then slowly I started collecting words that seemed to match. Like…Energy. and then, Channeling.
And now having stepped away for awhile and I’m “coming home to myself” again, I can see it with fresh eyes.
It’s Opening. Because when I’m in the world of Things and Doing, my perspective is parallel. I’m looking forward.
In readings, I have to sit down and Open. And my perspective is upward and outward, covering more space and time.
There’s no way to be fully in both and there doesn’t seem to be an appeal. There’s Joy in one perspective and Joy in the other perspective, but part of that joy is in the Change of Perspective.
It’s never about sacrifice, but Relationship. It’s never one over another, but about where they meet and crossover and pivot around each other.
A challenge was set in my life, and maybe all our lives. How do we live as spirit [energy and thought in-motion] and as self-focused, things-oriented humans? It’s that meeting place that seems to always call to me. It’s that relationship that always lights up for me.
I imagine someone holding a scale and on one side there is that ethereal vision into the world of energy, and the other is the sensory vision into the world of matter and the scale just tips back and forth. And it’s not the middle that matters, it’s not perfect balance. It’s the levity and the ease in the back and forth.
I think I needed these last several months to be as unholy as possible. I just needed to be me in the world. I think it’s part of what comes next for me and my offering. Something needed to integrate. And I’m excited for what’s next.