The Unspeakable.

There exists a word somewhere that I can’t yet find.

It’s something like bravery, something like strength, something like focus.

It’s persistent and tenacious, it’s holding your breath under water as long as you can.

What’s the word?

When you’re about to go on stage for the first time, needing to remember your lines.

When you open the restaurant door, prepared to meet your date for the first time.

Standing on a high diving platform, readying yourself for the jump.

It’s an assembling of energy and focus. A gathering of focused attention. And this takes something, a bravery or strength.

This is the feeling of seeing your life as it is, and internally holding to a different vision.

It’s being mocked and feeling hurt, but remaining loyal to an inner vision where you are loved and respected.

That kind of “dual vision” is an art as much as it is a training. It’s stretching, it’s strength, it’s endurance.

I remember a walk at my favorite park when I was thinking of the reality of my current life. I remembered how I disliked certain things.

I thought of how disgruntled I was; I found it difficult to keep my thoughts in a helpful vibration.

I envisioned where I wanted to be, how I wanted to feel, and it felt impossible. “It’s too far away. I can’t get there.”

But every day I tried. I would imagine, and take a deep breath, and practice that vibration for however long I could.

It felt like my current perception of my reality kept trying to suck me back in. So there I was, standing in the park, wrestling two worlds.

As though I was standing with my arms outstretched, one hand holding my current reality, while my other hand held the new.

I felt the pull of the old, and with this undefined Word, I rose through the pull and shifted my focus to the new.

It took something, something like effort or strength. But a different kind of effort. A force that we don’t speak about.

I felt stretched between 2 worlds, somewhere in between and also in both. I turned to the new and saw it with a different kind of vision. One that was determined and sure and strong.

I stayed in this suspended state as long as I could, practicing. Feeling the pull of the old, but rising through it. Stretching for the new and steadying into that vibration, into that vision.

It felt like I was holding my breath or balancing on a shaky tight rope. At any moment, I would have to let go. But I just needed to focus and stay steady for as long as I could.

And every time I did this, my new vision would come to life. It would happen fairly quickly.

How long can you stay steady in the vibration of where you want to be, while still lovingly tending to where you are?

It’s an art and a practice in an unspoken force.

There is something inside of us, or that travels with us, that allows us this practice. The ability to observe and live in two worlds. To stand in one and stretch towards the other.

Have you experienced this “force”? How would you describe it?

Can we become better focusers, more adept at stretching into desired reality?

Comment your thoughts below.

<3,

Heba

Solar Systems

Close your eyes.

Think of someone you really like. Think of someone you don’t prefer to spend time with. Think of someone you worry about.

Try this with all 3 variations of relationship:

Everyone you see around you is a solar system. A spherical solar system, and the person that you see is at the center.

They are their sun. Around their body is space, some objects, circling debris. Around that, gases and atmosphere.

You see layers of thick atmosphere that lay beneath the spherical outer lining of their solar system.

Imagine that inside of the spacious sphere, there is white light. It’s pearlescent, cloudy, yet clear. A beautiful, thick white light.

You don’t know what it feels like. Is it warm or cold? What does it smell like? What does it feel like on their skin?

You don’t know, because you’re in your own solar system.

As you observe them, from where you stand, you notice that it feels emotionally good to see that white light with them. It seems nice.

You look to see the space between your solar system and theirs. Yes, there is a space. And then you move your sight to the outer lining of their sphere. It looks protective and strong.

You gaze at the atmosphere inside, it’s rich and plentiful with color and activity.

You shift your vision and notice that white light – it permeates everything in there.

At the center, you see them. The person you know, or have feelings about. From inside of your own solar system, you wave. They wave back.

Practice this, and remember how it feels.

Notice what changes for you as you try this with different people, different relationships. What are you feeling? What are you noticing?

Now, when you’re around these people, try to see not just what’s in front of you, but remember their solar system. How full it is, and the space that resides between yours and theirs.

If it’s someone you like, feel how they thrive in their beautiful, spacious sphere. They’re empowered, taken care of, self-sufficient.

If it’s someone you don’t like, notice how you don’t really affect each other. They have their own things, their own sun, their own atmosphere. It’s nice to have space between. To know they’re taken care of according to their system, and the same goes for you.

If you worry about someone, any time you feel that ‘worry’, repeat: “They are their own solar system.”

They have their own radiant sun, their own healing light, echoes of wisdom and infinite intelligence throughout their system. They are blessed, just like you are blessed.

Two blessed solar systems, existing to experience life and emotion and creativity.

Try this and let me know what you think.

<3,

Heba

Lord Help Me.

Lord help me, thank you.

If you counted all the names given to Divine Spirit around the world, you would find thousands. We hold that spirit close to our hearts, or far away on a distant cloud, and everything in between.

Depending on how I’m wanting to connect with that source energy, I call it different things.

I say God or Lord when I want the most amount of divine intervention and the least amount of personal attachment to the process.

I discovered this about myself last year, when the waters of my life rose too far above my river banks. In the midst of the floods, I only knew one word-and that word was God.

I didn’t grow up with any connection to those three letters, g-o-d. We called divine spirit by many names growing up, and that one never came up.

I learned it as I got older, studying different faiths and belief systems. I learned about it in groups, where I learned to turn to that three-letter word for serenity and courage and wisdom.

I say God when I’ve done all that I can do. When I’ve walked as far as I could, and I’ve reached my capacity.

I say God in acknowledgement of: “I’ve walked far and steady. I’ve given all that I can. This is as far as I know how to get on my own, will you light the path ahead?”

Will you light the path ahead?

And the answer is always, “Yes.”

I’m willing to walk past where I’ve walked before, will you light the path ahead?

–

I notice now when I’m having “low-vibration” thoughts. I don’t care so much about what the thoughts are, I just know where they came from. I know that I feel scattered or angry or vengeful.

And I say, “Woah, that’s not where I want to be.”

Who cares what the thoughts are saying? They aren’t really “saying” anything. They’re indicating where my attention is focused – somewhere icky.

And that icky place has a huge well, full of icky-feeling thoughts to bring forward.

There are so many practices to use to move away from that place or pause and shift gears. I use them all, some work better than others at different times.

When there is something that is extra tricky to move past, I say: “Mind, help me shift gears. Mind, shift to a more beautiful space. Mind, help me let go of this story.”

And when the thoughts begin again, I say “thank you”.

Noticing those thoughts without being entangled in them is movement in the right direction. Even saying “thank you” instead of fighting helps to soothe things, helps to shift the mood.

Tonight, as I noticed my thoughts heading in a low direction, I spontaneously said, “Lord, help me. Show my thoughts the path of light.”

I’d never thought to ask God for help in guiding my thoughts. It seems like my responsibility, my private domain. Wouldn’t it be silly to ask for help for something so small as a thought?

But it felt good, it felt wise. Wise to know when to ask for help. Wise to know that small things add up to big things. Wise to know that any time or attention spent somewhere that isn’t for the highest good, is not a good idea.

I invite you to try asking for help. Not when you’re panicked, not when you’re desperate, but when you’re sure you would like some help.

When you say, “Actually, here. Right here, I could use some help.” Not when you’re crying or screaming, but when you’re ready. When the door of your heart is open and you’re willing to receive.

Make sure to say it clearly and out loud, tap into your heart and feel that connection you have to spirit. Maybe you feel it as angels or source energy or just a calm, soothing place in your being.

Say to that space, “Hello, I would actually like help with [insert here]. I think you could help by providing [insert here]. And that would feel really good. Thanks so much. Love you.”

It’s important that this doesn’t feel like a wish into the clouds, or an attempt at manifesting something you don’t believe.

Find those times. Have the intention to recognize these moments. These are moments when you’ll know what you need. And you’ll sense what might help get you what you need.

They’ll be quiet and calm. All of a sudden you’ll think of something simple, a need or wanting that you have. And suddenly you’ll think of a potential pathway to get you closer.

For example, I might have the idea, “I’d like to write more blog posts.” And it might be followed by, “I would just need to spend time every day to sit and write.”

And the asking might look like, “Could you please help me remember to sit and write when I’m inspired? That would be really great. I’d like to write for a little bit every day if possible. That’s what I would like. I’d like to feel light, easy, and joyful as I write. Could you help with that please? Thanks so much!”

Once you start finding those moments, they’ll come more and more often. You’ll feel as though you have assistance in all of life’s affairs, and when your flood waters run too high…

“Lord help me, thank you.”

<3,

Heba

My Most Important Post: Part 2

The story goes, one day I woke up and heard something coming from within. It said, “why don’t you try doing readings?”

That’s how I’d translated what I’d heard. I didn’t know what these readings were in an intellectual sense. But I could feel what the word meant.

I knew I could do whatever that was. I just needed someone to sit with me, and the words to explain what was happening. And surely, and blessedly these things would come.

–

I took a long break from doing readings. I would do one here or there in the past couple of years, but I knew something had changed. An update of some kind, and I was missing some parts of that update.

My readings were still “good”, but there was more to come.

I pressed pause on my website, I pressed pause on my regular clients. Something was coming, and it was taking years to arrive.

A couple months ago, I felt the shift. There it was.

It was subtle, but I could see it and feel it. The update was almost complete. Soon, I would have to stand up and start walking. I would have to practice embodying the new information, whatever that was.

–

During my break, the person that I was before felt so distant. The Heba that regularly did readings felt unreal in relation to who I’d become over the last couple of years.

How did she do that? She was so loving all the time. So patient. So devoted to divine spirit, for seemingly no reason. There was no fame or fortune in any of it. In fact, the last message received from spirit was to stop charging for readings. People could instead donate to a worthy cause of their choosing.

I remember the pure joy I felt when I received that message. I knew it was time – for something. I didn’t know what, but I knew that something was unfolding perfectly. And I could let go of the burden of charging for my readings.

How did I come to receive this message about doing readings, and why was I so patient and loving at that time?

–

The seed of our true essence sits inside of us like a large, glowing flame. As we peel away the layers of who we are not, we naturally begin to see the light of that essence.

We begin to walk a more authentic path than the one heavily influenced by others.

–

Just like the changes I made in my food and exercise, at some point I made changes in the quality and quantity of my thoughts.

I was on a strict diet of spiritual messaging from my favorite gurus. I would listen to seminars and audiobooks and only read uplifting or mind-expanding books.

I practiced gratitude constantly, I shifted my thoughts to a more pleasant direction when they would dip.

I was feeding myself whole foods and whole concepts of goodness. I responded to terrible situations by leading with kindness; I believed with everything that I had in the goodness of whoever had wronged me.

And I realized it wasn’t my life that was changing, it was me.

I kept choosing kindness, because that’s what I wanted life to look like. I kept choosing patience, because that’s what I wanted from the world. And when I would see something different, I wouldn’t take it personally. I would adhere to my personal values and beliefs.

I didn’t think I was doing anything particularly special. In fact, I thought I was kind of a failure at this whole spiritual game.

But I was completely reshaping and reconditioning how I reacted to the world. And sure enough, like a see-saw weighted with rock after rock…life started to change.

I still didn’t make the connection. I just thought, “Wow, people are so nice. Everyone is so kind everywhere. I’m so lucky.”

I didn’t really pay attention to the stuff I didn’t like, because I was so excited about the good stuff.

I had filled myself to the brim with high vibration, transcendent messaging. And from that place, I could see more than I could before.

I could see the entirety of someone’s energetic field. And the pathway was through the attachments and judgements of the physical world, and into a perspective that sees with the eyes of love.

I became made-up of the vibrations of what I was consuming and then practicing.

That became the well from which my thoughts would spring, my words would speak, and my actions would move.

–

There are two paths that lead to the same place. One is outlined above. Feeding the being high vibration foods of all varieties, until that internal flame has no choice but to burst forward.

The second, is to feed yourself all that you wish to become. Embody the vision, without judging the output. Let what you’re feeding yourself seep into your system and then transmute and express through you.

This takes time. This is alchemy.

You cannot compare how you were before or how things were before, with how they are now if you are still in process of transmutation.

If you are turning water to steam by heating it with a flame, and you keep stopping to go look if the pool of water is still water… you are getting in the way of the alchemy you are practicing.

Trust in what you are feeding yourself. Trust in what you are practicing. Where does your attention go? Where do you spend your mind’s time?

You will naturally begin to express the attributes of what you desire, as well as what your true essence looks and feels like.

This expression coming forward is called “the walk”, because you’ll have to embody the changes that you ignited.

The walk can get tricky, as parts of you respond differently to the “new you”. Old beliefs and pains may come up, and you’ll have to keep walking.

What comes up (and how you move through it) is part of your story, part of what makes it unique and interesting and beautiful.

It shapes your energetic body with curves and streams and meadows. It colors your manifestations in specifics that are unique to you. The results are not just what you wanted, but they are You + what you wanted expressed together. One wave. A unique expression.

You became what you wanted and then it started expressing outward, as an extension of you.

Every manifestation starts within you. Either from the depths of your darkness or the light of your heart. And it springs forward into life.

“Oh, hello.”

Now imagine a creation that you’ve been cultivating consciously for some time. It has all the good stuff woven into it. You know each other intimately and joyfully.

What it looks like is a mystery until it springs forward and takes on a shape of its own, and you’ll see what that specific combination of feelings and thoughts looks like as it passes through You and becomes seen by you.

That’s why you can never see the whole picture before you live it, it’s not born until it passes through you. And no one can predict how it will be uniquely shaped by your choices, your detours, your twists and turns.

<3,

Heba

My Most Important Post

Towards the end of 2017, I changed my diet and started on a weight lifting journey that would change me forever.

I had ideals of “what I would look like” at the “end” of my fitness journey. But the end never came, only ups and downs and variations in my overall new relationship with my body, food, and fitness.

I remember at my first peak, I was stronger and more fit than I’d ever been in my life. It felt different than I thought it would. It wasn’t as though I’d reached a destination. Rather, my body and mind felt like they were the result of a long, rich progression of practice.

I was the result or output of certain types of food, movement, and thoughts. And the results were organic and unknown until they were reached (in a continual evolution of progression).

Sure, you could predict things like getting more lean, having more energy, seeing visual muscle development…but that left so much unknown. I didn’t realize how much all the other details would matter.

The discovery of the results of prolonged, specific practices was the most thrilling and satisfying part of it all!

This is important.

We can have general ideas of what we want, and even if we think we know every specific detail of our desired manifestation – we are incorrect and/or misguided.

Our mind is only meant to take us so far, and the rest we have to walk. We have to become the player in the game, the participant in the experiment.

At some point, your idea has to be lived through you. And if you’re still waiting on the sidelines, dreaming, pointing at a distant location of your dreams… you won’t get to play.

Misery is a great gift in that it tells you, very obviously, that it’s time to get on the field. You’ve been called into the game, and maybe you didn’t notice. That’s how misery grows, when you’re accidentally still sitting instead of walking.

Success isn’t something you get. You don’t go and obtain success. You live a path that shapes you into an organic expression of a general, initial vision.

So I don’t know your dream job, or how you’ll make millions. Neither should you. It’s easy to make goals, but you find out what you’re made of when you start walking towards those goals.

You might find all kinds of gunk inside of yourself as walk. You’ll also find strength and fun and wonder that you didn’t know was in there.

It’s so important to keep walking through the gunk, around the gunk, to sweep it to the side sometimes. Don’t fight it and don’t let it confuse you; here is where all that “spiritual mumbo jumbo” comes in handy.

You cannot identify with the gunk and at the same time walk through it. The gunk has to be separated from the You that is walking. You need something with a higher perspective, like Awareness. Or God, or a modern day Shaman – a therapist, counselor, priest, trusted mentor, coach etc. (Any or all of these things.)

Some gunk takes more time than others. Some takes us on a huge detour where we forget where we going in the first place.

But when we come through, we’re more ready. We are better shaped to our desired vision, to the goal or dream.

Moving through the gunk (and the easy, good stuff too) is important not just for this current lifetime as you perceive it.

It’s important for your eternal journey. You might think that you have hopes and dreams just for this lifetime, but that’s not true. Your vision extends far past this one. And not just in a linear way, but in all directions.

You are having an experience of life in the most macro-sense to the most micro-sense. The more ethereal You is having a much slower, much less defined and specific experience. This feels like hundreds or thousands of years of life.

And there is a micro-you that is living hundreds of lifetimes in a moment.

We walk this path, not to hurry to a destination, because our destination is eternal. The plan is longer than any book anyone could fathom, and the reading of the book takes place outside of conceptual time.

Do what you feel called to do; sometimes we’re moving with an impulse that’s part of a plan we won’t see for another 300 years.

But we’re entrusted with listening, with moving with our inner guidance. We know that whatever is inspiring us in this lifetime, is part of the fabric of what we’ve chosen for endless lifetimes. Part of a long story.

Move toward your greatest dream, because who you become in the process is important and relevent.

Moreover, the best parts of life are seeing yourself transform and discover. To Become that which matches the vision is your mind, in an unexpected and organic way.

[Stay tuned for Part 2.]

<3,

Heba