Peace In a World of Fire

Just as I was falling asleep last night I was thinking of someone who bothered me, and all of a sudden I laughed. In an instant, I remembered how we are all made of the same stuff, breathed into being by the same breath.

And I thought how funny is it that we get so angry or upset with others. Yet, it’s a true and valid view of reality. The person “out there” can do bothersome or harmful things.

How can there be these two viewpoints, both completely valid?

This past period of healing taught me that you cannot neglect the personality OR the spirit within. When one is neglected and the other over-attended, there is a sense of incompleteness in life.

I became the one yelling, the one yelled at, and the one that is inseparable from my oppressors. I had to honor my boundaries and at once see the common thread that’s woven in us all.

I became both good and evil. The one with the smile and the one with the scowl. The enlightened one and the shadowed one.

And I asked spirit, but which of these is Me?

And spirit answered, “None of them.”

How do we maintain a personality, with likes and dislikes, with unreasonable judgments of others, intolerance, as well as unconditional love?

How do I say, “Namaste, the spirit in me sees the spirits in you” and at the same time say, “I hate everything about you” or “you’re annoying”.

This is why I laughed.

“Namaste.”

“Please get away from me.”

Without this aspect of personality and personal preferences, life would be much simpler. We would all just love and hug each other. And yet, our preferences drive conflict and creativity. They allow for a story to be written and lived.

There are times when it is all love and hugs. Just when you think you’re holy enough, life will send you something incredibly inconvenient. “Don’t get too comfortable in whatever mask you wear.” [Whether the mask is bright and smiling or dark and grimacing.]

As I contemplated those from my past and my present that I’ve had difficulties with, I practiced seeing them with my scowl and then seeing them as pure spirit. I practiced seeing the differences and the preferences, and then the background Light that levels us all as One Breath.

It made me ponder, if we’re all the same, why do we experience distaste in others? Why do I see myself in “this way” and others in “that way”? If we’re all One, what makes us appear to be different?

It’s funny how the more we dislike someone, the more “different” they feel. I am this way and they are THAT way. Of course we’re not the same…

And some kind of magic happens when the mind’s eye opens and you can see that even still, we are all branches shooting from the same tree trunk. Not because you have to love everyone, but because then you can let go.

When you say, we are both ‘Earth enlivened by Spirit’, but I don’t like this person…you can free yourself. Because it’s no big deal!

You acknowledge that at the core of it all, it’s all good. There is love and recognition of the validity of the other. A spiritual “nod”. It happens whether we’re loving or fighting.

The “Namaste” or “I see you” happens spirit to spirit, even when we are not consciously connecting with that knowing.

In this realization, you can put down your arms. You can ungrasp and Choose. Because you are choosing your environment the same way you choose yourself. “I don’t have to fight you and I don’t have to love you, because it doesn’t matter either way.” At the core of it, there is no pressure and no force. At the core there is love and recognition, everything else is a play.

When you alleviate the pressure to Like, to Love, to Fight, or to Hate you allow yourself to play. You don’t hold others in a chokehold of adoration or anger, because you don’t need to. You can play with others by fighting or you can play with others by loving, and the choice is wholly yours.

If you look at someone and say “ick”, look somewhere else, knowing that the spirit within you validates and supports both of you.

Think of it as a play and you’re checking in with your fellow actors:

“Hey, what part are you playing?”

“I’m playing this person that looks like This and acts kind of like This.”

“Oh, ok. I’m playing a person that looks like That and acts kind of like That.”

You see how then it would be easy to decide who you’d want to ‘play a scene’ with?

Are you looking to create drama, intrigue, or conflict that allows for character development? Are you wanting a peaceful, loving interaction? Are you looking for fiery passion?

Enjoy the play you are always creating with others and know that you can change the script, the scene and the storyline whenever you choose. You are not bound to each other, because we are all the same stuff interacting with itself.

You can say, “I love you, and I don’t choose you.” or “I love you, and I also choose you.” Knowing that the “you” is always changing anyway. And we are all infinitely, the one You.

Different and the same, everything and nothing. This is an incredibly dynamic experience we’re having, remember it as such. It is not one note, but a whole symphony of notes. Billions of voices harmonizing as one buzzing stream of life.

I hope that today you remember your spirit, the one that’s not held by identification of any kind. It is genderless, faceless, and free.

If you’ve spent too long in the realm of spirit, start enjoying the Things of life. Take a look at your body, adorn it the way you choose, move it intentionally how you want it to move. Look around at wordly things and see what you like, what strikes your fancy?

If you’ve spent too long looking at the world [full immersion] relax into the silence between the noise of your thoughts. Break away from that which defines you. Say, “I am not this and I am not that. I am presence. I am. I exist whether my mind is full or empty. I exist whether my house is full or empty. I exist whether I am known or forgotten, I am.”

With Love,

Heba

The Internal “No”

Imagine a fighter: scowl faced, caked in mud and blood, their posture ready to fight or defend. A fire igniting within and flowing through their veins, heating the surface of their skin.

How often to do you feel that body flush of anger or rebellion?

How much do you let it run through your body? Do you try to squelch it down early, or does it overcome you like an ocean wave?

These flushes of emotion are an invitation to take back your freedom.

Find space between the flush of emotion and the external world that seems to have ignited the emotion.

You only need a little space. One or two breaths.

In this space, feel the raw energy that is flowing. It may feel like anger, frustration, or defiance.

Feel into it more objectively, can you distinquish the raw energy itself from the emotion?

You’ll find that the raw energy is almost (or maybe quite literally) shaking your body. This is your energy, yours to have and to stream. Feel it’s power and breathe. Imagine it as a river of water, and you are the channel through which the water flows.

Practice this to whatever extent you can, when you’re able.

Have you ever felt amazing, in such a great mood, and then someone or something comes to “ruin” it? It feels worst than if you hadn’t been so happy before.

This is because you are a streamer of energy, a channel for life force to flow. When you open up, for example because something is pleasing you, you “stream” more life force. More power is flowing through you and around you.

If something not-so-pleasing enters at that time, that robust energy begins to stream where your attention is now directed. It was flowing towards joy, and now it’s flowing towards disdain.

The extreme discomfort you feel is that strong life force moving in an undesirable direction.

Note that when something happens that captures your attention, whatever energy you are streaming flows towards that thing, just like a fire hose.

If you’re happy and open, let’s say you’re flowing 80% more life energy than usual. If a distraction or disruption captures your attention, that’s how much more energy is redirected towards that thing.

And while it felt amazing and reinvigorating when it was focused on something joyful, that same energy flowing towards the undesired will feel like an earthquake. Or it’ll feel like your boat is suddenly taking on too much water.

This is much more dramatic than if you were streaming let’s say, 20% energy. If an undesirable disruption happens then, it’s a little easier to manage. You aren’t shaken up as much, you don’t notice that you’ve added your energy to something undesirable.

You may have been doing this for a long time, quietly lending yourself to the undesirable, a little at a time. Maybe you learned it was easier to dull yourself down and operate at minimal energy. Perhaps that felt safer.

Today and from now on, you do not need to restrict or minimize your energy. You own it, you live it, and you understand and weild it with expertise.

You will be in the middle of a wave of anger and you’ll breathe. You’ll notice that it’s not anger you are streaming, it’s power. The emotion tells you where your power is pointing and to what level of intensity.

You’ll think “this energy is my own. I’m the one that’s flowing it, I am in charge of directing it”.

As you react to life, you’ll realize that you are feeding where your attention goes. Moment by moment.

As a person or event frustrates you, acknowledge the frustration, and then feel the power behind it. Say, “this power is my own”. Claim it. When you stay frustrated at a person or thing, you send your power away from your being.

You may think your anger is doing something. That in some way, your dislike will impact the situation. It won’t. Not in any way that is satisfying to you.

Anger is a bell that says, “no”.

That person or situation in the moment is a “no”. Feel the power inside that wants to do something, to fight or to flee. Say, “this power is my own. It is flowing energy, and it’s mine.”

Interally acknowledge the “no” you are feeling.

You may want to rush to an action or a stream of thoughts. You may want to “do something” or “decide something”.

“I’ll never let them talk to me like that again.”

“I’m leaving.”

“I’ll just give up.”

More important is interrupting this chain of provocation, reaction, emotion, and energy flow.

How many times have you been activated in a similar way and reacted in a similar way?

Try this new way.

Let’s say you’re angry with Phyllis. Notice what you’re thinking about the situation. Notice how you’re feeling.

You may want Phyllis to know that she’s “wrong”. You may be shaking your finger at her in your head. Maybe you’re deciding how you’ll act with Phyllis from now on.

These thoughts are quietly disempowering. They are remnants of the past.

It may seem empowering to “put Phyllis in her place”, but in fact you are quietly relinquishing your power.

This is what empowerment looks like:

You stand with yourself, observing the situation. You acknowledge your distaste for it. Internally, you say “no”.

This ‘no’ is not personal. It’s not fighting or defending. It is not up for debate or justification. It is removed from the external person or event. It’s simple.

Stand easily and simply with your “no”. This ‘no’ does not fight and it does not scowl. It knows itself.

It’s not waiting for justice or affirmation from the world. It’s yours. This is YOUR “no”.

Rise up inside yourself and claim it.

Notice in this state of mind, you are not planning. You are not defending or fighting. You’re not worried about what to do.

You are present with yourself, with the moment.

This is more important than what you do or what you decide. This step is where you firstly, take back your power.

The feeling of anger or fear says that in the moment, you are not in your power. And that’s ok, that’s normal.

In the past, maybe you’ve made decisions from that anger or fear. And that’s okay too.

But now, it’s time for something else. Now you take the time and space to come into your power first, and let the response come later.

This is your luxury to take hold of. No matter what seems urgent or who is urging or activating you, you say ‘hang on’. You notice when your attention has been caught like a fish on a baited hook.

You’ll remember that the hook and your reaction and subsequent energy flow is an important event. You’ll say “Oh! Here it is!”

‘Here is the opportunity to take myself back. To use my energy how I choose to.’

You are a wise steward, with energy as your charge. Rise up and take your place.

I invite you to stand with your “no”. Feel the power that rises with you in that stance.

You’ll rise from a place of “fixing” problems to a place of weilding power. This is where you connect to the fullness of life.

With Love,

Heba

For the Initiated.

Have you ever faced a problem or a cluster of problems so big that getting to the answer or resolution seemed impossible?

Have you ever looked at what was happening in your life and wondered, why is this happening to me?

Even when you’ve tried you’re best, given everything you have and things seem to be not working as they should. ‘Why God, why?’

It’s as though you’ve given every last bit of yourself and it’s not enough.

You are absolutely correct, it isn’t enough. You were never meant to carry such a heavy load on your own. When you come to the end of your efforts or strength, this is a sign of a new dawn in your life.

This is a time of awakening. For the first time, you’re waking up to the truth. The truth is, you can’t do this alone.

Your efforts can only take you so far, and when you’ve reached the end of them working you can finally begin to live a better life.

It means that in a sense, you’ve graduated from a level of experience in this life. The one where effort and strength reign supreme. You’ve reached the pinnacle of how far that can take you.

Welcome to your new life, where there is power beyond what you’ve known before. Here, there is more available to wield besides pure strength and grit. This level of life doesn’t reward you based on how much you suffer or how hard you’ve worked.

It can seem cruel and unjust, how could I not be rewarded when I’ve worked so hard? I’ve given everything!

Don’t be dismayed. This is a blessing. It is clear evidence that you have transcended the previous level of life experience. Let’s use this example:

Let’s say you’ve been with someone where nothing you did for them in the relationship was ever “enough”. You would travel the world over, do everything in your power to show that you care. Sometimes they would reward you, sometimes it was still not enough. You work harder and harder, building more and more tension and in the end, there is collapse.

Now let’s say you meet someone new. They don’t need you to work for them. They like you just as you are. They’re easy to love and they love you easily. But let’s say you’re still operating on the old system, in the old way. You are still fighting for their love, when it’s already available. They do not reward you for what you do, because they don’t understand this system of punishment and reward. And so perhaps you imagine that you are indeed still in the old system, where your efforts are not being rewarded.

Here, you can awaken to the truth that the reward is not available because you have transcended the entire system of punishment and reward, the withholding and offering based on exterior judgment.

Here Life says, don’t fight for me. Don’t work for me. Life says, be with me just as you are.

If you’ve been a fighter, a warrior, someone who takes ownership and honor in their ability to work harder than most, be more dedicated than most, and demonstrate resilience and fortitude where others would crumble, this can be a strange transition.

Your identity and worth may be tied up in this system of punishment and reward. You may still believe in working too hard. You may still be waiting for a reward from the universe for this work.

How do you begin the transition from the old system to the new way?

Here is one practice that is extremely important. And you’re ready to hear this, you’re ready for this practice.

Take an impossible situation in your life, big or small. Anything that feels “tight”. If you try to approach it, it feels as though you can’t move or it floods your mind with confusion.

Have you tried to work it out as best you can? Have you given it all you’ve got?

Would proceeding to ‘figure it out’ cause you anger or upset? Do you think, yeh I guess it’ll work out, but I’m miserable?

Perfect!

In the old way, your efforts led you here and you would persist. You would give yourself away, entangle yourself further, agree to things that were not good for you because “there is no other way”. You were not going to give up, you were going to demolish the problem, even if it meant demolishing yourself.

Welcome to the new way. Here, you pause when it becomes too much. You can tell it’s too much because you begin to feel powerless or overwhelmed, or as if life is against you. Notice these feelings. Notice your thoughts of powerlessness. These are extremely important.

Notice if you feel small or stuck. Breathe into and around these feelings. This is where in the past, you decided that it was ‘you against the world’. You had every right back then, to come to these quiet conclusions. Perhaps you never said it to yourself explicitly, but it came through in your thoughts and actions. In the, “fine I’ll do it myself”.

This is the exact point where change is occurring. This is where all that previous healing was preparing you for. Back then, there were no options. The stakes were high. All you had was yourself to depend on.

That was the old life, the old way. It has been retired, it no longer exists for you. There is only one way to move forward, to claim your place in this new level of life experience.

It is the way of Opening. It is quite literally, how life is born into itself. You’ll stand right at the forefront, where non-life meets new-life. Where impossible meets every possibility.

This is not for the faint of heart. It takes certain inner qualities to observe “no way” and to feel all your past responses to that idea of blockage, and then relax or expand into “open passage”.

It is the gateway between worlds, quite literally.

This is the new way. You stand facing an impossibility. You feel the tightness, the fear, the despair, the smallness. You observe your response to the problem. You observe your attempts to resolve the problem. You observe your thoughts as you imagine what you could do, and what those possible outcomes could be. You feel your response to those possibilities.

Then when you feel ready, you let go a little bit. You allow for an opening. This is literal. “Allow” meaning I’m willing, “an opening” meaning space between the thoughts and responses.

I’m willing to be open to an opening. I’m willing to observe any available space between these thoughts and responses.

You want the incoming perception of this “space” to be small. You want it to start almost imperceptible. You want to catch it when you’re not paying attention. You want to feel surprised by it, as though it almost passed you by but you caught it!

Now, let it grow. “I’m willing to perceive more space, is there more space?”

Notice: There is the part of you still “spinning thought”. A continuing cycle of thoughts, ideas, and your responses. And there is this other part of you, observing the process.

When you allow space, you allow for that other part of you to observe the spinning.

When you have created enough space, you’re able to let go of some lower level “effort”. You can begin to say things like, actually this is too much for me on my own. I don’t actually want to do things this way, it doesn’t feel good. I’m willing to find a better way.

It feels like a rush, and maybe it is. The stakes feel high, and maybe they are. But you didn’t come here for rushing or high stakes. Those were the things of the old way. You came to feel the sharp breeze of standing at the gateway of the Undone.

Look within yourself, and ask. “Do I want to do things the old way, or do I want to stand at the gateway of the Undone?”

This is where you lay down your sword. You stop fighting and you look forward and upward. This is where you step outside of time. You step outside of the spinning mind, and connect with a part of yourself that is The Holding Space of the spinning mind.

This is where you practice living with dual-vision. The part of you immersed in the every-day happenings, and the part that is the observer of the entire play. They are both important. You must be immersed in life, with the ability to emerge from the play and then return again.

This practice allows you to do this with more fluidity.

Now let’s go back to the part where you’ve made enough space. You’ve temporarily given up.

Fill the space that you’ve created with consciousness.

Imagine the sun, the sky, or the moon. As though you’re looking into a vast unknown space, and drawing from it like a quill draws up ink. Imagine you have a giant straw that reaches to the ends of infinite space, and with that straw you can suck up eternity.

Imagine this beautiful, infinite spaciousness joining you in that space you’ve created. Space itself, filling up that space you’ve created.

Here you are connecting with the very breath that breathes you into this life experience. You say “more please” to this breath. “More please.”

In the old way, it’s like you’ve tried to live off the vapors at the end of our oxygen tank. “I can do it! I don’t need more oxygen! I’ll make it there wheezing and dying, but I’ll make it!”

That way has been thoroughly experienced, it is expired and retired.

Now, let’s see what it’s like to live life refreshed. What’s it like to live on a full oxygen tank?

This will take a little time to get used to, but it’ll get more and more familiar the more you play with it.

You’ll be faced with all kinds of old messaging, how ‘nothing works’. How you’re in this alone, how things can’t get better.

That’s okay. You’ll come to feel love and compassion for those parts of you, for those thought streams. You’ll say, ‘oh hey it’s you again, I see you.”

You will not be eradicating these aspects of you. You will not be destroying them.

You will be making Space around them and through them.

Your task is not to destroy or fight yourself.

Your only task is to notice Space.

And when there is enough space:

Fill the space that you’ve created with consciousness.

Imagine the sun, the sky, or the moon. As though you’re looking into a vast unknown space, and drawing from it like a quill draws up ink. Imagine you have a giant straw that reaches to the ends of infinite space, and with that straw you can suck up eternity.

Imagine this beautiful, infinite spaciousness joining you in that space you’ve created. Space itself, filling up that space you’ve created.

Here you are connecting with the very breath that breathes you into this life experience. You say “more please” to this breath. “More please.”

You will begin to wield a power beyond what you’ve come to know. Here this is no punishment and no reward. There is only opportunity to observe, create space, and join more of life’s breath to itself.

You are the guardian and the portal for life to experience itself. Welcome to your upgrade, it’s time to level-up.

With Love,

Heba

Finding the Thread

I used to want to help too much. I didn’t realize it was a problem. I didn’t know that kind of thing could be a problem.

It was what I learned in relationships.

Love is invasive. Love tries to fix you.

I didn’t know that Love was actually free. Love let’s you “fix” yourself.

I started healing from this in 2015, with significant stints of very tough inner work.

And here I am, trying to Love in a way that feels better.

I am naturally an uplifter. It’s what I’ve always loved, cheering people on, seeing the best in everyone. This was the Light side of my Shadow.

There was a reason I was that way, so intensely tuned to people’s “best”. It was because I couldn’t accept the worst.

I wholeheartedly believe that the difficulty that makes you “the way you are” creates a huge liability, but also the greatest gifts.

It is a burden and a blessing.

It’s in these extremes that people find their own individual superpowers. When you know the darkest and lightest of something, it’s yours. Your burden and your blessing, you know that thing inside and out, and it knows you.

There is nothing more terrifying than the shadow of your superpower coming to light.

It comes trotting in, trying to tell you about its genesis.

It says that out of immense pressure, something was born. A diamond within.

And when the shadow appears, it’s time to reclaim yourself. It’s time to reclaim your story.

It says, see the whole story. Claim yourself.

Out of ugliness, something beautiful was born. And so, both exist within you.

As you accept and claim the ugly within (which you realize isn’t ugly at all), you fully step into your power.

What does it mean to step into your power?

I’ll tell you exactly.

It’s when you accept the whole range of your superpowers. From their conception in the dark, to their highest expression.

In accepting the range, you’re able to operate those powers with more awareness and more wisdom.

Knowing the whole of something means you can see it as part of you, rather than it consuming you.

You take the reins back on those parts of you that activated without conscious choice, and so you’re able to weild your power with full vision and understanding.

Eckhart Tolle said that all spiritual teachings attempt to point you in a direction. They point at something that can not be conceptualized in its entirety.

I find that same logic in how we help each other. We point in the direction of truth or light or hope. We fully understand that everyone has to walk their own path.

There is a thread that runs through all of us. It’s where we connect to hope, clarity, and our own reasoning for “best”.

Love points at that thread. It knows that everyone has to connect to their own inner voice. Everyone has to find their thread.

When someone is in great turmoil, it’s when we most want to help save them. I’ve come to understand how important it is that everyone finds their thread under all circumstances. In bitter hell and in sweet bliss.

In fact, it’s of utmost importance that we can all find it in the chaos. That thing that soothes us, that sparks revelation and revolution from the inside out.

Now, when I want to help someone, I remember with them the light inside. That their inner wisdom is speaking to them in the most perfect way. I remember the light within us all, and I let that dictate my actions and my words.

Today, I invite you to remember a time when you connected with the soothing knowing within. When a calm came over you in the midst of chaos and you thought, “I can do this”. Think of someone you know who is struggling, and imagine them finding that clarity. It is theirs to find, but you can imagine with them in your heart.

With love,

Heba

From One Squirrel to Another

The secret to life. I’ve got it. I’ve got a whole bunch.

[So does everyone else.]

Every revelation comes with this feeling of uncovering, a discovery, an unearthing. It’s like we’re all squirrels and we’ve hidden nuggets of wisdom for ourselves all over this life experience.

When it’s time to dig, we scurry all over and try to sniff out a distant remembering. Aha! There it is!

It’s nice to think that even in the coldest and darkest of times, we’ve left help for ourselves everywhere. With just a little sniffing and digging, we can find something to tide us over. Just a little something to get us to the warmer, lighter times when we won’t need those nuggets. And those little nuts can choose to grow big on their own, not waiting for us to find them, but melting into life itself and demonstrating the wisdom that was woven inside.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a prayer in my mind:

“Let my mind be open and willing to the best, the most soothing, the most loving, the most high.”

I felt like my mind was a wide open field, full of sunlight. Thoughts were little rain drops, clouds, or shooting stars that could pop in and deliver a message. I imagined receiving little light drops of Thought rain, each drop filled with a new idea. I felt such inner calm, as though I was smiling inside, sitting quietly and happily in that field-available to these thoughts.

That image and the calm stayed with me the whole day. Even in the turbulence of everyday noise, I would suddenly remember the Quiet and the Availability.

In this, I saw a duality. The part of me that scrunches up her nose at life and its annoyances, and the part that smiles and awaits the Good.

I found that sometimes things feel open and flowing and sometimes closed and difficult. I tried to express this on paper and ended up writing:

“I flow when I’m up and float when it’s rough.”

I could feel my spirit smile when I wrote that line. I felt an inner “yes”.

Yes, gather yourself and make moves when the energy is there and don’t freak out when things feel tight.

There is some secret in that, I can feel it in my heart. Like I’m digging out one of those nuts of wisdom. To cover as must ground as you can when the energy is flowing and just float when it’s moving slow.

There is magic in this back and forth, with more focus on the flowing part. Bring as much consciousness forward into the flow as you can. That’s the time to “pull up”, and then exhale when that flow subsides.

In my depression, I used to not flow when it was time. I would think, “what’s the point? I’ve already tried.”

But that is the whole point! It’s the compounding of the ‘trying’ that works.

The same way having the same realization over and over means it’s becoming integrated into your field. You do want to keep “coming around” to the flow, letting it become bigger and more pervasive every time.

Today I invite you to find where breath is in your life. Where can you feel ease and flow? It’s there somewhere. Find where it is, even if it feels small. Breathe into those places.

As a meditation, try to find the origin of your breath. What causes you to inhale? Where is it, that switch that flips and says “breathe”?

Try to look behind your eyes and see where the origin of your vision resides. What is there, behind your eyes, looking out onto the world?

You are Meaning itself, trying to find itself. Never be dismayed by this quest, because you can always rest inside yourself. Turning inward leads to peace, because you are what you’re always looking for.

With Love,

Heba