Where You Belong

Life behind the veil

I hope you’ll come with me on this journey of thought.

Imagine in your mind, the idea of society. Can you see it? What’s it made of?

Do you see structures, of the physical and social variety? Can you see boxes and shapes and clusters?

Do you see all of the things that make up society and civilization? It may be as though you’re looking down from above, at a board game of colors and shapes.

Where do you belong in this society? Which game piece are you playing with? Which structures are you part of, or inside of?

Spend a little time with these concepts. See how you feel. Just observe your feelings and thoughts as you contemplate Society.

Now imagine Society melting like a stick of butter under a bright, summer sun. Those structures and shapes are melting. The thin plastics of an organized world are melting, just like that butter.

Since YOU are not Society, you aren’t melting. You are whole and well. You are watching.

Your neighbor is also whole and well. They don’t seem to be melting, they’re watching.

Nothing drips from the sky, it is not melting. The ocean continues to roar, unaware of this melting.

Society has completely melted, and those melted shards have hardened like bits of candle wax.

Everyone you know is alive and well, they seem to be thriving.

The wind blows through a breeze that moves these hardened bits of wax. They blow away like dead leaves on an autumn day.

Let’s look inside.

Here we are, inside of Truth.

Here You are, more connected with all-that-is than you’ve ever been before. You feel yourself in a new way. You feel lit up inside, you can feel the energy that enlivens you moving. You sink into this feeling.

Inside of this feeling, you can feel everyone around you. You can feel an entire world of life, buzzing and humming. You breathe. As you exhale, you say “Home”.

And everyone around you, an entire world of life, lights up. It pulsates a word back to you, “Home”.

You feel with your heart, as though a lantern has grown where your heart once lived. A lantern full of light. And with this light, you can feel anything that exists. You say, “Home”.

Underneath that which became melted butter, there was a world humming with life and interconnectedness. In this space which Is, like the space you slip into between the sheets of your bed, a different version of life is humming.

There it is. Hum.

All are alive and well. Playing, communicating, buzzing with alive-ness.

I invite you to see with the eyes of Seeing. To feel the pulsating heart of life that is beneath the layer of the conceptual.

Underneath our mental imaginings of rules and separation, structure and shape, there exists an actual life. And those mental imaginings are a thin layer of obscurity, easily melted and re-formed.

Did you know that underneath that which feels like fleeting life, fleeting love, fleeting wealth, fleeting health…there is everlasting well-being?

And people all through out life’s history have been trying to give shape or story to this eternal life that lives underneath the veil.

With the constructs and layers of imagination – are we a person? Do we exist? Do we need compliance to the established order – to survive?

Does life-as-we-know-it exist if these layers of concept melt away?

I invite you to honor these questions, and then set them aside. And for now, see if you can feel that heartbeat underneath life-as-you-know-it.

I promise you, it is there. Feel for it. You’ll find that the world over is more alive than it’s ever been. You’ll feel the excitement of life breathing itself into being, more alive that ever before.

And it says, Home. And it says, Come.

Come this way. Come away from the thin layer of fleeting satisfaction, and join yourself in the celebration of living.

In this space, life is long. Life is not concerned with its length. It’s too busy. It’s too busy immersed in the joy of living itself.

I don’t have all the answers. But I have this one answer.

And I invite you to listen. To melt away the constructs you’ve lived by for so long, and feel into the life that exists anyway. The life that exists without the constructs of life-as-we-know-it.

Use your mind for Good. To practice this mental exercise. You don’t have to do anything else. You don’t have to change a single thing about your life. Just in your mind’s eye, melt away the stories. And see what is left behind.

Behind the veil, you’ll find yourself and everyone else too.

And you’ll live, heart alive. You’ll live with a lantern full of light, nestled within your being. You’ll play on the board games of life with these others around you. Hearts alive.

With Love,

Heba

You Have No Value

You’ll never be good enough and you have no value.

Shocking! I know.

This will come as a relief to you, since there is nothing that you can do to make yourself good enough. There is no-thing to make that will create enough value for you.

So you can give up the search.

All that you create and all that you are, is for the experience. It’s for fun, it’s for interest, it’s for learning or fulfillment.

Your value is not determined by anything that you do or any particular hat that you wear.

You are value itself. You are a river of gold looking outward onto an ecclectic world.

“Where is the gold?” You wonder.

You, as the river of gold, dress up in different outfits. You try to tinker with things of the world. You shapeshift into everything and anything, in the hopes of finding gold.

As you search for value within yourself, trying to ‘find yourself’…

“What makes me special? What makes me worth it?”

You entangle yourself further away from your inherent value. You are value itself. You are that which breathes value into anything in the world that anyone considers valuable.

Unknowingly, as you look into the world, you give it value. By your observance of it, you lend it your spirit. Your spirit and the spirit of everything you observe, are one and the same.

As you give something your attention, you lend to it your value. You feed it with that river of gold that runs through you.

And when you take your “eyes” away from something, you take away it’s value [to you].

That’s why as you search for value in the world, you come up short. Because you are looking away from yourself.

The more you search out in the world, or inside of your inner perceptual world, the more you are looking away from Value. Value is that which lives inside all of those things.

You don’t have to fight for it, you don’t have to figure it out. It’s already there.

So why does it seem so hard? Because it’s so simple. We live in a world of complexity. The more complexity, entanglement, and bondage, the more it seems “real”.

We’ve been trained to seek complexity. To look everywhere, dissect everything. And in this gaze, the simplest things are forgotten, glossed over.

You are that which you seek, quite literally.

Try just being yourself, doing exactly what you feel like doing, and trusting without a doubt that everything will work itself out perfectly.

How soon before the fears and doubts creep in? How soon before we’re back in a rush, angry, resentful, mournful?

Is living a spiritual life easy, in a world enraptured by bondage?

Can you be simplicity and truth in a room full of chaos?

Is it easier to live in suffering or to transcend that suffering?

I believe these are the questions the collective consciousness is answering. How far shall we stray from truth?

How far do you want to venture into madness, before returning to peace?

I hope that today [and from now on] you take time to ponder, what is my value? What does my value come from? If society deconstructed tomorrow, where would my value live?

Is it true that what I seek is right here? Am I what I am looking for?

I hope that you begin to slip these questions into your day.

Just like hanging chimes on your front porch or balcony.

Hang them up and then when a breeze comes through, you’ll remember they’re there. Maybe they’ll chime for you in just the right times.

With Love,

Heba

The Participatory Mind

It was a little over two years ago that my mind stopped working. It was like someone pressed “eject” and then there was nothing.

As an energy reader, I rely on my mind as much as spirit. It’s how I translate what I’m seeing and feeling as I ride the energy waves.

But there, in the place where I would go to travel and translate, there was nothing. I panicked. I thought, this is it, I’ve lost my mind. There was so no connectivity between thoughts, there were no energy rails for me to ride. Just, nothingness.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just existed. I went to bed. I slept. The next night, again there was nowhere to travel. It was as though my metaphysical vehicle had over heated and was sitting on the side of the road, retired and exhausted.

Days went on and I forgot about this, I went back to “normal” without noticing.

Then, a year after, it happened again. The silence. The motor shut-off. This time I wasn’t as scared, because I had started practicing shutting off the motor myself. I noticed that my mind was spinning thoughts at full speed, trying to find solutions to problems that were outside of its scope.

It took so much for me to stop the compulsive spinning of thoughts. They come forward with a promise of “fixing the problem”. If they can spin long enough and fast enough, “we’ll figure it out”.

But as I listened in on my thoughts, I realized it was the same attempt to process and solve a scenario by replaying it over and over. Compulsively re-living some difficulty and all of its details. I knew I had to shut off these compulsive trains of thought. I also knew they were coming from a good place, they were trying to help find a solution.

The problem is, the mind is limited in this way. It can only pull from what it has learned or seen before. So mostly, it spins collected data. It is an incredible creation in that way, the ability to store and process seemingly infinite data.

But it can only exist within the confines of itself, of what its lived.

When people begin to feel trapped in their life, in a rut, stuck, or life-less…it’s because they have become the mind. They’ve become the mouse running in circles around its cage. Temporarily forgetting that there is a whole world outside of that circling.

I took a few deep breaths. I found somewhere that was outside of the spinning. I felt the grip of the spinning, of the running thought. I felt the pull to stay in those thoughts. And I “talked” my way through it, I used my heart space to connect to life outside of thought. To focus into myself, where I existed outside of memory and past reflections.

I felt some panic within me, as I removed the grasp of those thoughts. Perhaps letting go of a part of me that was afraid to venture beyond thought, beyond the same outlines of a self-assigned cage.

Outside of those thoughts, I felt relief and grief. I had to face the fact that I didn’t know the answer. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, and no amount of thought spinning was going to change that.

I had done the hardest thing already, I had saved myself from the limitations of mind. Or rather, the limitations of a person who had become too identified with mind and the past.

I felt exactly like a mother trying to pry her baby’s hand off of a dirty toy that needed washing. I felt the resistance, anger and grief of the baby wanting to hold on. And I felt the knowing of the mother, that it was time to let go.

So when the time came again, where I lost my mind and there was nowhere to travel, I panicked a little less. Here, there was no reflection. No reasoning. Only being, quiet, silence, and being-ness. And with it came the terrifying realization of my over-dependency on mind. Without the thoughts, was I nothing? I was scared to let go.

Who was I without reflection, without the compilation of experiences and ideas?

It felt as though in this world, in this society, without the compilation of a self, you are indeed nothing. No one, with nothing to offer.

“Isn’t that what we’re striving for?” [I asked into the ether.] “To compile a “self”. To become somebody? To add up all of our experiences and thoughts into something valuable?”

And yet there I was, a nothing. A tumbleweed blowing through the emptiness of my mind. Silence. Presence.

My mind told me who I was. It told me who I was, what I doing, where I was, and what to expect later. I needed that spacial reference point. I needed to be a something, that was somewhere.

But I was a nothing, that was nowhere. So I breathed. And fell asleep.

Was I dying? Was this it? My release from the world? The beginning of the end? Days go by, and I’m back to “normal” without realizing it.

Another year passes and I’m walking around my neighborhood, here again, the nothingness descends. Not a depressive kind of dissociation, but a kind of “resting” from the world of thought. I wanted for nothing, but to just exist. I thought of the projects I was working on, the people I had relationships with, my worries, my excitement, and none of it stirred me.

It said “shhh.”

I stood there, and I existed. I felt my wanting-for-nothing. I looked with a different kind of vision. I was observing from a neutral stand point. Neutrality, Observance. It was as though my whole body was breathing, and the scenery around me was its breath.

I felt energy swirl through my body, all around my body, and then out into my environment. And it felt like a unified heartbeat was pulsating through it all.

Yes, it was a unification. I was one with myself and with my life, my environment. In the lack of separation, I didn’t want for anything. Because nothing was counter to me – nothing was outside or far away. It was one voice, speaking the same word.

I relaxed into this, even as part of me asked, “Am I dying? Is this okay? Why do I feel so calm? Shouldn’t I frantically want things? Shouldn’t I be worrying and planning and fluttering around in my mind?”

But there was no answer, only rest and repose. Only observance and presence. I felt complete calm and complete relaxation. I kept walking, and somehow the idea of Time disappeared.

I had an errand to run and I thought, what should I do? And I answered, I guess just be calm. Just be like this. Just exist and do things in this state of relaxation.

It felt strange, “would people know?”

Could I operate in the world completely relaxed, outside of rushing and planning and worrying? I went about my day and my errands, things happened and I interacted with them. I felt a strange happiness inside, a strange calm.

It was as though within me was a deep ocean of stillness, and on the surface I was having conversations, feeling ups and downs of emotion, doing tasks. But the stillness was there, quiet and deep. Like I was a deep ocean, and external life was the happenings on the surface of that ocean.

I found that if you’re lucky [and you are] you’ll come to the limitations of your mind. There will be a place where it ends. And you’ll scurry around in circles for a little while, until you remember. You are part of an endless, infinite mind. You are the opener of doors. You call in light through the dense forest of experience, and you stand to welcome the light that arrives.

The part of you that is the personality, that is the beautiful mind of You, that part is here to participate in a much grander reality. This reality is set-up for you by the very breath that breathes you. And your personality then gets to actively participate in that reality. After some time, the personality thinks it has created that reality. As though it is responsible for its life and its maintenance.

It will think that through its effort and its thoughts, it draws forth well-being and abundance. After some time, the reality will begin to diminish, even with maximal effort from Personality.

This is because your personality is a participant in creation, not the breath behind the creation. As the personality over-fixates on its role as creator, it tightens. It removes itself more and more from the breath of life. This results in feeling more angry, more tense, more anxious. Underneath, trying to control the uncontrollable.

Imagine working at a company for years and years. “I am this company’s life’s blood. Without me, they’ll drown.” And after all these years, a separation comes between you and the company. And still, the company thrives after your exit. “How could this be? I was the driving force behind its success!”

It is the breath of life that is the driving force behind all well-being and all success. Sometimes we’re going in the same direction as that flow of well-being. And it may seem like we’re causing the well-being. But really, you are willingly flowing in the same direction as well-being. You are amplifying the well-being by participating in it. Really you are allowing yourself to be the in-living-color evidence of that flow of life.

That is all of life. A part that says “I am willing.” And that part Becomes. It becomes enlivened as a being, as a here and now embodied energy. It says, look this way, I am evidence of breath that is Being.

You are not a run-away stream of thought, that has forgotten the breath is was representing. You remember why you said, so long ago, in a forgotten tongue: “I am willing.”

It wasn’t for the benefit of a company. It wasn’t for success. It wasn’t for pride or reverence.

It was for the rush of being embodied. For the indescribable pleasure of Being, for no reason. To see, to look, to want, to flow. To come to the surface of the water and breathe in the sights.

I hope that you rejoice as you come up against the limitations of your mind. I hope that when there is “no way” that you remember this and that you celebrate. There is indeed “no way” from the limited mind. But You, are not a limited mind. You just spend time there sometimes. Imagine it as being laid off from a job that you hated. Now you’re free to explore, free to go beyond your previous limitations.

Your meditation for today:

I am not the limited mind. I am not mind at all. I am the space between thoughts, I am the water beneath the ocean. I am wisdom that is not seen and strength that is not known. I am the inside-of-silence and lying right-above-noise. I am true stability, which needs no world on which to balance.

❤

With Love,

Heba

Peace In a World of Fire

Just as I was falling asleep last night I was thinking of someone who bothered me, and all of a sudden I laughed. In an instant, I remembered how we are all made of the same stuff, breathed into being by the same breath.

And I thought how funny is it that we get so angry or upset with others. Yet, it’s a true and valid view of reality. The person “out there” can do bothersome or harmful things.

How can there be these two viewpoints, both completely valid?

This past period of healing taught me that you cannot neglect the personality OR the spirit within. When one is neglected and the other over-attended, there is a sense of incompleteness in life.

I became the one yelling, the one yelled at, and the one that is inseparable from my oppressors. I had to honor my boundaries and at once see the common thread that’s woven in us all.

I became both good and evil. The one with the smile and the one with the scowl. The enlightened one and the shadowed one.

And I asked spirit, but which of these is Me?

And spirit answered, “None of them.”

How do we maintain a personality, with likes and dislikes, with unreasonable judgments of others, intolerance, as well as unconditional love?

How do I say, “Namaste, the spirit in me sees the spirits in you” and at the same time say, “I hate everything about you” or “you’re annoying”.

This is why I laughed.

“Namaste.”

“Please get away from me.”

Without this aspect of personality and personal preferences, life would be much simpler. We would all just love and hug each other. And yet, our preferences drive conflict and creativity. They allow for a story to be written and lived.

There are times when it is all love and hugs. Just when you think you’re holy enough, life will send you something incredibly inconvenient. “Don’t get too comfortable in whatever mask you wear.” [Whether the mask is bright and smiling or dark and grimacing.]

As I contemplated those from my past and my present that I’ve had difficulties with, I practiced seeing them with my scowl and then seeing them as pure spirit. I practiced seeing the differences and the preferences, and then the background Light that levels us all as One Breath.

It made me ponder, if we’re all the same, why do we experience distaste in others? Why do I see myself in “this way” and others in “that way”? If we’re all One, what makes us appear to be different?

It’s funny how the more we dislike someone, the more “different” they feel. I am this way and they are THAT way. Of course we’re not the same…

And some kind of magic happens when the mind’s eye opens and you can see that even still, we are all branches shooting from the same tree trunk. Not because you have to love everyone, but because then you can let go.

When you say, we are both ‘Earth enlivened by Spirit’, but I don’t like this person…you can free yourself. Because it’s no big deal!

You acknowledge that at the core of it all, it’s all good. There is love and recognition of the validity of the other. A spiritual “nod”. It happens whether we’re loving or fighting.

The “Namaste” or “I see you” happens spirit to spirit, even when we are not consciously connecting with that knowing.

In this realization, you can put down your arms. You can ungrasp and Choose. Because you are choosing your environment the same way you choose yourself. “I don’t have to fight you and I don’t have to love you, because it doesn’t matter either way.” At the core of it, there is no pressure and no force. At the core there is love and recognition, everything else is a play.

When you alleviate the pressure to Like, to Love, to Fight, or to Hate you allow yourself to play. You don’t hold others in a chokehold of adoration or anger, because you don’t need to. You can play with others by fighting or you can play with others by loving, and the choice is wholly yours.

If you look at someone and say “ick”, look somewhere else, knowing that the spirit within you validates and supports both of you.

Think of it as a play and you’re checking in with your fellow actors:

“Hey, what part are you playing?”

“I’m playing this person that looks like This and acts kind of like This.”

“Oh, ok. I’m playing a person that looks like That and acts kind of like That.”

You see how then it would be easy to decide who you’d want to ‘play a scene’ with?

Are you looking to create drama, intrigue, or conflict that allows for character development? Are you wanting a peaceful, loving interaction? Are you looking for fiery passion?

Enjoy the play you are always creating with others and know that you can change the script, the scene and the storyline whenever you choose. You are not bound to each other, because we are all the same stuff interacting with itself.

You can say, “I love you, and I don’t choose you.” or “I love you, and I also choose you.” Knowing that the “you” is always changing anyway. And we are all infinitely, the one You.

Different and the same, everything and nothing. This is an incredibly dynamic experience we’re having, remember it as such. It is not one note, but a whole symphony of notes. Billions of voices harmonizing as one buzzing stream of life.

I hope that today you remember your spirit, the one that’s not held by identification of any kind. It is genderless, faceless, and free.

If you’ve spent too long in the realm of spirit, start enjoying the Things of life. Take a look at your body, adorn it the way you choose, move it intentionally how you want it to move. Look around at wordly things and see what you like, what strikes your fancy?

If you’ve spent too long looking at the world [full immersion] relax into the silence between the noise of your thoughts. Break away from that which defines you. Say, “I am not this and I am not that. I am presence. I am. I exist whether my mind is full or empty. I exist whether my house is full or empty. I exist whether I am known or forgotten, I am.”

With Love,

Heba

The Internal “No”

Imagine a fighter: scowl faced, caked in mud and blood, their posture ready to fight or defend. A fire igniting within and flowing through their veins, heating the surface of their skin.

How often to do you feel that body flush of anger or rebellion?

How much do you let it run through your body? Do you try to squelch it down early, or does it overcome you like an ocean wave?

These flushes of emotion are an invitation to take back your freedom.

Find space between the flush of emotion and the external world that seems to have ignited the emotion.

You only need a little space. One or two breaths.

In this space, feel the raw energy that is flowing. It may feel like anger, frustration, or defiance.

Feel into it more objectively, can you distinquish the raw energy itself from the emotion?

You’ll find that the raw energy is almost (or maybe quite literally) shaking your body. This is your energy, yours to have and to stream. Feel it’s power and breathe. Imagine it as a river of water, and you are the channel through which the water flows.

Practice this to whatever extent you can, when you’re able.

Have you ever felt amazing, in such a great mood, and then someone or something comes to “ruin” it? It feels worst than if you hadn’t been so happy before.

This is because you are a streamer of energy, a channel for life force to flow. When you open up, for example because something is pleasing you, you “stream” more life force. More power is flowing through you and around you.

If something not-so-pleasing enters at that time, that robust energy begins to stream where your attention is now directed. It was flowing towards joy, and now it’s flowing towards disdain.

The extreme discomfort you feel is that strong life force moving in an undesirable direction.

Note that when something happens that captures your attention, whatever energy you are streaming flows towards that thing, just like a fire hose.

If you’re happy and open, let’s say you’re flowing 80% more life energy than usual. If a distraction or disruption captures your attention, that’s how much more energy is redirected towards that thing.

And while it felt amazing and reinvigorating when it was focused on something joyful, that same energy flowing towards the undesired will feel like an earthquake. Or it’ll feel like your boat is suddenly taking on too much water.

This is much more dramatic than if you were streaming let’s say, 20% energy. If an undesirable disruption happens then, it’s a little easier to manage. You aren’t shaken up as much, you don’t notice that you’ve added your energy to something undesirable.

You may have been doing this for a long time, quietly lending yourself to the undesirable, a little at a time. Maybe you learned it was easier to dull yourself down and operate at minimal energy. Perhaps that felt safer.

Today and from now on, you do not need to restrict or minimize your energy. You own it, you live it, and you understand and weild it with expertise.

You will be in the middle of a wave of anger and you’ll breathe. You’ll notice that it’s not anger you are streaming, it’s power. The emotion tells you where your power is pointing and to what level of intensity.

You’ll think “this energy is my own. I’m the one that’s flowing it, I am in charge of directing it”.

As you react to life, you’ll realize that you are feeding where your attention goes. Moment by moment.

As a person or event frustrates you, acknowledge the frustration, and then feel the power behind it. Say, “this power is my own”. Claim it. When you stay frustrated at a person or thing, you send your power away from your being.

You may think your anger is doing something. That in some way, your dislike will impact the situation. It won’t. Not in any way that is satisfying to you.

Anger is a bell that says, “no”.

That person or situation in the moment is a “no”. Feel the power inside that wants to do something, to fight or to flee. Say, “this power is my own. It is flowing energy, and it’s mine.”

Interally acknowledge the “no” you are feeling.

You may want to rush to an action or a stream of thoughts. You may want to “do something” or “decide something”.

“I’ll never let them talk to me like that again.”

“I’m leaving.”

“I’ll just give up.”

More important is interrupting this chain of provocation, reaction, emotion, and energy flow.

How many times have you been activated in a similar way and reacted in a similar way?

Try this new way.

Let’s say you’re angry with Phyllis. Notice what you’re thinking about the situation. Notice how you’re feeling.

You may want Phyllis to know that she’s “wrong”. You may be shaking your finger at her in your head. Maybe you’re deciding how you’ll act with Phyllis from now on.

These thoughts are quietly disempowering. They are remnants of the past.

It may seem empowering to “put Phyllis in her place”, but in fact you are quietly relinquishing your power.

This is what empowerment looks like:

You stand with yourself, observing the situation. You acknowledge your distaste for it. Internally, you say “no”.

This ‘no’ is not personal. It’s not fighting or defending. It is not up for debate or justification. It is removed from the external person or event. It’s simple.

Stand easily and simply with your “no”. This ‘no’ does not fight and it does not scowl. It knows itself.

It’s not waiting for justice or affirmation from the world. It’s yours. This is YOUR “no”.

Rise up inside yourself and claim it.

Notice in this state of mind, you are not planning. You are not defending or fighting. You’re not worried about what to do.

You are present with yourself, with the moment.

This is more important than what you do or what you decide. This step is where you firstly, take back your power.

The feeling of anger or fear says that in the moment, you are not in your power. And that’s ok, that’s normal.

In the past, maybe you’ve made decisions from that anger or fear. And that’s okay too.

But now, it’s time for something else. Now you take the time and space to come into your power first, and let the response come later.

This is your luxury to take hold of. No matter what seems urgent or who is urging or activating you, you say ‘hang on’. You notice when your attention has been caught like a fish on a baited hook.

You’ll remember that the hook and your reaction and subsequent energy flow is an important event. You’ll say “Oh! Here it is!”

‘Here is the opportunity to take myself back. To use my energy how I choose to.’

You are a wise steward, with energy as your charge. Rise up and take your place.

I invite you to stand with your “no”. Feel the power that rises with you in that stance.

You’ll rise from a place of “fixing” problems to a place of weilding power. This is where you connect to the fullness of life.

With Love,

Heba