The River

After my workouts, I try to listen to a Kirtan station to stretch and relax.

Today, this beautiful song plays:

Gayatri Mantra by Deva Premal

As I let my body move and stretch to the music, an image came into my consciousness.

I was laying in a river, floating, as the water rushed with purpose around me.

It took with it all my mental fog, all my fear, it took the pain from my body. And it all floated away.

The water filled and flowed through every part of my ethereal being. It freed me of my sorrows and concerns.

I felt light and free.

It made me remember that I didn’t have to hold on to the pain. I wasn’t a slave to mental anguish, I was a willing participant.

So I let go. I let my body move freely, and I released all my hang ups.

I released the attachment to the pain in my body.

I released my attachment to who I thought I was.

I became free in the river.

It cleansed me of who I wasn’t and left behind my beautiful body and eager, lively spirit.

I hope that you can find a song, (maybe that same song), that will allow you to move freely and let go of your pain…if only for a little while.

Life, in all of its beautiful specifics, can make us feel heavy. Heavy with thought and conclusions and expectations.

Remember to spend some time feeling light, and filling your body with that light.

Lovingly let go of the heaviness you carry, and surrender it to the willing flow of that river.

With Love,

Heba

No Guarantees

On the threshold of a big change, I felt the same fear and hesitation as I usually feel. Nothing was coercing me to change; I wasn’t fighting or running from anything.

I was just trying to reach that part inside that seems to yearn for More. The part that’s always nagging me to be happier, to play more often.

I ask, what do you want from me?? And that part says, “Fun.”

To do things for the fun of doing them. To play, to connect, to discover.

The lack of fun doesn’t seem to threaten survival. It’s easy to dismiss it as an important need. But the nagging of the heart doesn’t stop. It says, “don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to play.”

The part of our survival that we need most is the breath of life that wakes us up every day. It keeps our heart beating and it shines the light behind our eyes.

It happens without our conscious involvement, so it doesn’t always play a role in what we perceive as “survival”.

Sometimes, we hold on too tight to the things we need to live: money, food, shelter. When we let go just a little, that effortless Breath of Life can uplift our body and life into even better circumstances.

I sat contemplating, “How much do I let go, how much do I hold on?”

How do I take a leap of faith into nothingness? Into the unknown.

What if I fail? What if I’m a joke?

I went about my day,  waiting for Spirit to reassure me. It might say things like, “Everything will work out perfectly. This is the most correct choice. Leap in with both feet. Expect no difficulties.”

But spirit didn’t say that at all!

As a thought passed through my mind, “What if it’s not perfect? What if I mess up? What if it’s hard?”

Spirit finally replied, “It might not be perfect. You might mess up. This might be hard.”

I was flabbergasted!

It went on to say:

“You’re human, you will continue to have human experiences. Some you’ll enjoy more than others. Things aren’t perfect, but they’re always changing. The fabric of life grows and morphs and transforms all the time.

Don’t demand perfection. Expect life. Life is a moving, breathing expansion. It won’t be perfect, it will be You. You- having an experience. Trying something. Maybe failing, maybe succeeding. Mostly enjoying the undulations of life’s Aliveness.

Jump because it’s fun to jump. Jump for the possibility of discovery.

Nothing is promised, but your presence is asked for. The only thing ‘demanded’ is presence.”

So I did it, I jumped in. With no guarantees and no cheerleaders, but with a fire inside that wants to Live, and Play, and Discover.

<3,

Heba

The Sun & the Stars

I’ve tried different styles of meditation for years. Sometimes I’m better at keeping up with it than others.

The last few months, I haven’t meditated hardly at all. So the other day, I had the idea to sit quietly with my eyes closed for 5 minutes before I left for work.

It seemed so simple and so easy that I couldn’t resist. The 5 minutes flew by, and I felt so good. I wished I could have stayed longer!

I decided to try to sit for 5 minutes to 10 minutes every morning before work going forward. I told myself there was no pressure and no issue if I didn’t end up doing it.

The next morning, the 5 minutes were terribly uncomfortable. I decided to get up and stretch, get cozy, and try again.

I set my timer this time for 10 minutes. I watched the storms of my mind erupt into lightning clouds and tornados. And I watched them subside. I soaked up the few scattered moments of relief, and I decided to set the timer for another 10 minutes.

This time, I wanted to go into the place where I go when I do my intuitive readings. It was interesting to me that my “meditation space” and my “reading space” were not the same.

I sat and pretended that I was going to give someone a reading. I knew exactly what to do. I completely relaxed. My mind completely quieted. I felt light, easy, and focused.

But there was no one to read. And without the intention, without the question, or the reason, there was nowhere to go.

I wondered, without a person to read, was there something else I could do with my gift of traveling? Maybe one day I would discover the answer.

I thought again of how I feel when I’m sitting there, about to read someone. I realized how they looked like a bright sun. A bright light.

I thought of all of the people I’d given readings to, and they were all beautiful beings of light.

I realized that we are all suns and stars. When my mind quiets and I have the intention to move into that beautiful, unique, and individual light and translate what it’s saying into words, I read the truth of who we all are.

At our core is a burning light that vibrates and emits vibrant and energetic energy all around.

And when things seem gray and hard and rotten, it’s good to remember that just a breath away…just a sliver of a membrane away…lies the bright truth of Life and of You.

We are light just as much as we are rock and earth and water. The next time you’re listening to someone speak, try to close your eyes and look at them without seeing. Can you feel the fire of their spirit?

Practice with people you don’t know or have no opinion on. Maybe it’s a worker at a cafe or restaurant. Or a stranger in the grocery aisle. Can you see them without looking with your eyes? Can you feel that energetic energy that’s enlivening their body with life?

It’s good to remember that we are dreary clouds just as much as a bright summer day. And all it takes is a small shift of attention and consciousness to see the whole picture.

<3,

Heba

The Pursuit of Perfection

Here, fill out this questionnaire to find your dream job.

Make this vision board for your perfect partner.

Sit with me and imagine your perfect workplace and perfect love, in your perfect home…

Ah, the elusive perfection that is never quite within grasp. And if it lands in our palm, it’s sure to flutter away far too soon.

“But wait! Don’t leave! It took me so long to get you!” (Even though I’m not sure I even want you.)

People trash seemingly perfect or “good enough” careers, relationships, even their own healthy bodies.

Strange behavior, coming from humans who are constantly striving tor the ideal.

Why do we destroy as much as we create?

Could it be that we as people are not perfect? How can we call forward perfection, knowing we can never sustainably rise to meet it?

As often as we rise, we also fall. (Or jump.)

Krishna Das has a beautiful kirtan song where he quotes Foreigner:

“I wanna know what love is,
I want you to show me.
I wanna feel what love is,
I know you can show me.”

If you ask life to show you Love, it shows you Wholeness. It shows you life as a pulsating, alive thing.

Part of us seeks what we think is perfect. That part is only looking at a fraction of Who We Are.

If you could look at the Whole of who you are, or at least feel into that whole…you would seek something else.

It would be “perfect plus”. Not just what our mind considers desirable, but what appeals to our heart and spirit as well.

Let’s tune it to what is Alive. What experiences are full of pulsating life? What experiences accept us as we are? Where can we be cranky and unfair, and also generous and playful?

Don’t seek perfection or imperfection, seek Life Alive.

Say, “Life, show me all that I am.”

Your life will come alive with experiences that feel Full and Nourishing.

That “something missing” feeling will be gone. Because you aren’t missing anymore. You aren’t missing the parts of you that get neglected by focusing on an incomplete vision of your happiness.

Are you brave enough to accept all that you are? Are you brave enough to accept the mess that you are?

If you are, life will have an endless array of love to show you. Love will be in every nook and cranny of your life.

Not the ideal, perfect love…but the one that is full of breath. The kind of love that invites all of you to come forward and live fully.

Let me know how it goes.

🙂

<3,

Heba

A Story.

Life is so full and plentiful.

Sometimes you think you’ve emptied it of its contents.

That you’ve traveled the pages of your life’s book. You know the footnotes, you know the detours the stories take.

You’ve labeled each chapter and lived it; you’ve molded and formed to each letter of each word on every page.

And you say, I’ve done it. I’ve walked the paths. Here is what remains.

‘This is what I have to show for myself, for my life.’

Here are the results of all the things I’ve tried. Here in this field is where every beautiful thing came to life and here is where it subsided again.

And the field is empty.

– –
I looked at my hands, they were empty too.
– –

I sat down to do a tarot reading for myself for the first time in a long time. I had tried before, I would lay down the cards and then sweep them back into the deck without reading.

This time, I looked closer. I began reading the story, one letter following the other.

My perspective changed. Not from what the reading was saying, but in the act of reading itself.

I thought of the components of a tarot reading. It says, here is this person in their life, and here are the storylines happening currently in their life.

I realized that the page turns again. Within the empty field, paths begin to emerge from underneath the grass. The story doesn’t end.

Always a person, within a life, full of letters and words and chapters of story.

“But I thought this was the end?”

The story doesn’t stop writing itself. It slows and speeds and slows again. But one letter is surely to be followed by another. One word stretching into the next.

– –

I think that every once in awhile, we have to renew our contract with our soul. We remember why we’re here, even if the ‘why’ is only a feeling. We remember the fire that burns inside. The desire for Discovery of Self.

A question is asked, “will you rise?”

Will you stand again? Will you remember yourself? Will you remember the light within that wants to be discovered, to be spoken, to be experienced?

Every contract renewal is a solo journey that draws a path from the depths of darkness into the emergence of light.

The light says, “Look this way. Keep coming. Don’t look back.”

Every completion is an awakening. As though the sun is rising inside our hearts rather than the sky.

– –

I looked again at the field. The glare from the sun obscured my view. I blinked and squinted by eyes. I looked down and saw my feet resting on a path. Around me was lush, tall grass and a dense forest. The trees loomed overhead and I saw the blue of the sky beyond the tree tops. I spun myself around in a circle, searching. The deep, moist air of the forest seeped into my lungs. I breathed in deep.

How I’d missed those trees.

I peered through the vegetation and became curious. Where does this path lead?

I brought my palm to my chest and pressed down.

“Are you ready?”

I smiled and said, “Yes, please.”

With love <3,

Heba