Your Creation Cave

Joe Dispenza says that for you to experience something new in your life, you essentially have to become new yourself. You need to accommodate for the new things by adapting your personality.

In essence, if you constantly think about how you don’t have enough money, that trait becomes a part of your personality. To a degree, it dictates your behavior and your words, and even your relationships.

To experience having more than enough money, your personality would have to shift to include this new aspect. You now think about what you would like to do next with your money, for example. Your words and actions would follow this understanding that you have about your finances.

I’m most intrigued by this in terms of career, personal expression, and expanding your boundaries of experience.

Who are you? An artist? A mother? A chef? Someone-who-is-lost? A failure?

Two things hold you where you are, defined by a label.

1. Your own thoughts and habits.

2. The people around you who know you as you have been.

Even when you make the choice to shift your self perception, often others around you keep reminding you of who you were. And most troubling is your expectation that they won’t accept you as New. They won’t accept your new label or new activities.

So come, enter your Creation Cave. Don’t try to squeeze your new identity into the already over stuffed suitcase of your old identity.

You’ll need somewhere free of judgement. Free of reminders of who you have to be. You’ll need it to be quiet, and with lots of open space.

This is both an inner cave and an external space of creating. Inside, create a judgement free, quiet place where you can explore your new desire. In here, you can think whatever you like and you can imagine yourself however you would like to. There are no rules, no expectations.

On the outside, limit your exposure to other people’s thoughts and judgments. Not just about you, but in general. As you listen to people judging others, you participate in rigid labels. Part of you takes in this judgment, without even realizing.

Judging is a way of holding someone or something in captivity. If we see people as able to change and shift, we would not be able to judge. The judgement would become obsolete too quickly. Remove yourself, even temporarily, from this societal norm. It will bind you without you knowing that it has. You’ll feel like you can’t change, the world won’t let you [but that’s not true].

So, limit your exposure to the chatter of people. Withdraw your attention from those you cannot move away from. Attention is very powerful, and most everybody wants yours. But you have the power to control what you give attention to. End conversations that don’t feel good early on. Un-focus your attention when someone you can’t get any from is in your face. Remember that they cannot control your thoughts, though they try to influence you.

And as your inner world quiets, create a space on your computer or in your room, garage, outside in the yard…where you can work on the new aspects of you. This is an external representation of the change you’re making.

Wear clothes you’ve never worn before. Buy that thing you’ve stopped yourself from getting. Maybe you’re a budding photographer-go buy a camera. A soon to be body builder? Research everything you can about weight lifting. Start practicing the mechanics of lifting.

Find a space and some things that are a reflection of who you would like to become, the aspects of your personality that need to change for you to live out your desire.

Soon, it’ll seem more possible. It will feel more natural to you. It’s not that big of a leap from where you were to where you want to be. Stay quiet, stay focused. Stay slowly turning that wheel of change until you’re steady enough to emerge with something to show the world. And even then, pay no mind to their reaction. Smile because you did it, you did that first little thing that expresses the new you. Keep going. You got this.

You’ll get to know your Creation Cave. It will take new forms and include new ideas and desires, but you’ll know how to use it. You’ll know how to freely and easily shift who you are to become a more joyful expression of yourself.

Stop Believing in Yourself

You know those times you felt yourself willing to rise into a new endeavor, or to follow your joy instead of the paycheck and you thought “I believe in myself”. Well the truth is, that phrase isn’t the lighthouse guiding you to new shores that you thought it was.

“Believing in myself” has gotten me into trouble many times. I used it like a blanket to protect myself against uncertainty and the fear of inaction.

I’ll just keep believing myself. Surely, I know what to do. I’m me. I’ll just stay steady here where I stand and everything will work out fine. 

In reality those times you spontaneously felt belief in yourself, you were feeling the conviction behind a decision you’ve made. There’s a whole world of difference in there. Conviction is powerful. It drives you past the known, past the comfortable and into new landscapes of life.

There are so many times when believing in yourself won’t feel like anything special. It won’t make the impact you want it to on your mental/emotional state or in the details of your life.

Here is a revised and more specific way to use believing in yourself to your advantage.

Get Specific. Beef up what you mean by putting specifics behind it. That way, it has more meaning to you. Define what parts of you, you’re believing in. What is it about you that you are rallying behind?

This takes away the vagueness of the phrase and adds power to it. Right away you’ll feel more clarity and more direction and readiness.

Set Intentions. What would you like to achieve in your life right now? What matters to you? On a daily/weekly/monthly basis, what activities would you like to partake in? What aspects of your personality would you like to shift?

Write it Down. Make a list of your intentions. Log your current specifics in relation to those aspects of you that you are championing.

Update Regularly. Redefine what it means to you as often as necessary. Keep it fresh and keep it relevant to where you are in your life and what currently matters to you.

This is an example of what I write for myself (shortened):

Get Specific: ‘I believe in the parts of me that know how to listen to my inner guidance. I am a good listener. I believe in my persistence and ferocity in pursing things that matter to me. I believe in my ability to be clear-minded.’

Set Intentions: ‘To write 2-3 blog posts a week. To meditate regularly. To keep my physical activity level in a place that supports optimal health and vitality. To eat food that nourishes me physically and emotionally. To have a pleasing balance between incoming and outgoing finances.’

[Notice how I have kept these a little specific, a little general. You just want an overview of intention. This is so that you know for sure that you have things that are important to you and they are KNOWN. All parts of you are aware of your goals, desires, likes. For me, it’s a bit of a psychological trick. I feel more comfortable with myself and with trusting myself if I think that I know what I want. Otherwise it feels a bit too hazy. I fear I’ll go off track or become complacent.

No need to write down everything that’s important to you, just choose a few that are most relevant to you right now.]

Write it Down: I write in a notebook as well as post a piece of paper in my bathroom with general daily affirmations. Something like, ‘I trust that my spontaneously arising impulses and instincts correspond to my highest well-being and the highest well-being of those I care about. I trust myself to listen to that guidance that lights my way with ease and knowing. I trust that my intentions and goals will be lovingly woven into the fabric of my every day…’

Update Regularly: As my intentions and goals change, I update that list. Let’s say on my list is “learn 5 new words a week” and after a weeks I don’t feel as passionate about that goal. I update my list to what is most important to me right now.

Now, when you say you Believe in Yourself, you will feel the depth and breadth of what you mean. You’ll feel the power of it rise within you. Because you know it isn’t arbitrary. You’ll know that you really mean: I Have Conviction.

“I am sure about what I want and my ability to achieve whatever I desire.” Not because you’re going to use all your effort to go out and get it – but because you are in tune with your life’s unfolding. You know that it will be incorporated and integrated into your life. Because you’re right there with it, right there with your intentions and with your knowing that your life is on your side.

Life is for No Reason

Have you ever stood looking over the cliffs of your life wondering what it was all for? What was your purpose? If you found this purpose, would it lead you to happiness?

Your purpose is chosen by you. Life has no purpose, but to be what it is. It continues to become and you are a participant. Life needs nothing from you. But in awakening to its flow and coming into union with your life feels good.

You know those things you like for no reason? You want to spend more time doing them, but you can’t find a worthy enough reason?

Those are the things that are meant for you. Not because they are more holy or because they are your foretold destiny, but because they appeal to you. Nothing you ever do is more or less holy or worthy than the rest. Except in this way: your attitude about it.

The feeling of fulfillment and purpose flows from within you outward – not the other way around. When you feel in love with something you’re doing, it’s because you are enjoying partaking in that activity. It is you that is bringing the love to the activity. And so, you can do that with whatever you like.

“Okay, so I’m supposed to love this job that I hate? If I change my attitude about it I’ll suddenly like it?”

Sure, maybe! It depends on how willing you are to apply this to your life. But for ease, don’t try to love the job you hate. Give yourself a break. Stop trying to like that which you don’t like, and stop trying to search for something you do like.

Searching implies it is out there, to be found. This is not true. What you like, is already inside you. You already know what it is. Maybe you can’t point at it and define it in terms other people understand…but you know what it feels like. You know how you feel when you’re resonating with something.

Don’t fight against what you’re doing now. Just appreciate what it gives you. And start to feel around inside for that feeling of fulfillment. Start feeling the outlines of it and lean into it.

Life is for no reason. You choose the reason. You choose your ‘why’. No one can validate it or invalidate it for you.

What is it that you like? What thoughts and feelings do you enjoy? What imaginary world calls to you most?

Make your life out of what speaks to you – on the inside. Champion your own cause. Create the world that you love. From the inside out. Stop asking the world to give you purpose, when the world will shape itself to the purpose you define.

And there is always a self designed (and designated) purpose. There is always something within you that you want to be seen or spoken. It can change over time, but right here, right now, something inside calls to you. I invite you to listen. To tune out everyone else (even that inner dialogue) and just listen. Lean into what it is you truly desire.

Spirit is Nameless [Channeling 101]

What is channeling? Let’s look at the definition before we begin, from Google:

1. direct toward a particular end or object.
2. (of a person) serve as a medium for (a spirit).

We can channel many things. Emotions, ideas, spirits, the flow of water or sand. In this context, I’ll be writing about channeling spirit. Giving spirit a different name, so that is allows for more flexibility, we’ll call it consciousness. Consciousness is awareness of self, as a Self. Whether that be in corporeal form or otherwise. It is the “I am”.

So what does it really mean to channel consciousness? Mostly, we think of channeling in the instances of flowing a stream of knowing that isn’t our own. That we are channeling through the knowing of another, or many other, aware beings.

I believe it’s absolutely possible to channel any awareness (or consciousness) that you choose. From the great musicians and fine artists to healers and leaders of the past. You just have to have an intention and a knowing of how to channel.

Which brings me to the point of this post. We are already channeling. All of us are channeling the spirit, the consciousness, the awareness of who we are. I am channeling spirit that breathes life into my body and personality as Heba.

Interestingly, we acknowledge this less and feel more excited or intrigued by the channeling of other beings. But what about our own spirit? What about our own awareness? Isn’t there a level of mastery to channeling your own spirit first? What does that really mean and what does it look like?

Last night I laid in bed and thought about this. Am I channeling the spirit of Heba? Yes and no. There is no spirit of Heba. The energy or awareness that animates me seems to be nameless. As I dial in and feel around in what makes me alive, it feels like a nameless flow. But somehow, it must be related to me and my personality. There must be some kind of bond between this nameless and who I consider to be “me”.

I felt around some more. I was curious. I remembered how I channel the cluster of light I call “the collective”. I remembered how I travel into that space that is common to us all, the spirit realm. I applied that same knowing [of how to travel] to experience my own spirit.

Without the training and socializing of society – did we have an identity? What makes us have different personalities? Is the spirit that brings me to life the same as everyone else?

I wanted to know that spirit, that awareness. I wanted to know what it was like. I wanted to experience it freely and without restriction or distraction.

I started to feel like…I don’t think my spirit is different than anyone else’s. It seems to pulsate in the same nameless space that is common to us all. It animates me without judgement or expectation. Like a wave swelling in the middle of the sea and rumbling towards the shore.

I took comfort in this for awhile. It felt nice to experience the nameless part of me. The part that seemed to have no impulse of its own – apart from Being.

I was free. I relaxed into this like I was weightless on the surface of that same sea. I let my arms and legs open widely as I let go, throwing myself backward into the metaphysical waters of this space.

So how does this nameless space correspond to the endless hunger of the physical self? Where in the connection lines does Nameless and Free become an Identity with desires?

There was something here, I knew it like a squirrel knows there is food inside the hardened shell of a nut. In fact, I felt so much here that I didn’t know where to start pulling the thread of unraveling. [Though I know that so much always ends up distilling into a basic truth or two.]

I felt the necessity of personality. And I also felt that it needn’t bind us so tightly. Realizing that I come from a boundless place where I have no name makes me feel less attached and desperately grasping to the identity of Heba. There is in reality, no Heba at all. I am renewed in each day, free to live out whatever aspects I would like to.

I began to feel more of a connection to this quiet Being space rather than the personality Heba. I didn’t really need an identity to exist. I am here, even with no name. I am still sitting here, thinking, writing, enjoying the sunlight coming in through the window.

I had a theory long ago that we were all the same wave, living in the same mind, but each thinking we were singular. That feeling of “me” was the same feeling we all felt, the same “me”. But we think we’re reflecting it differently.

The idea of not having an identity used to scare me. I wanted to be someone my whole life. I wanted to be relevant, to feel seen. I felt small and alone. I wanted to feel big and loved.

Now I realized it didn’t matter. All the details I thought were building this identity of Heba weren’t building that at all. They were just choices. Choices made by a nameless expression of life. A collection of preferences that in fact, changed constantly. The illusion of a constant, progressing personality was just that – an illusion.

As I see it now, in my mind’s eye, I am more of a cloud of spontaneously erupting preferences. With seeming continuity. Maybe this continuity made us feel more safe. But I see now that it is unnecessary. It’s nice sometimes to experience it, but it’s just a preference like everything else.

There isn’t really continuity. Only spontaneous impulses, like little sparks of electricity. Erupting into that which we translate as form and physicality.

This all leads to so many more questions. Where does preference come from? I wanted to travel the railway between my nameless self and my identity. I wanted to feel the twists and turns as the formless takes on personality and embraces linear time. I wanted to feel the spectrum of “me” and track where those impulses originate.

The Oracle Speaks [it’s a new day]

Everyone seems to be asking, energetically speaking, what’s happening? What’s happening next?

Or in more physical terms, what does this mean for us globally? What happens next?

I’ve been tapping in, but the truth is, there wasn’t anything for us to know. I felt more of a “hold on”.

The very structure of our world, in all the energetic realms, was shifting. Where I looked to before, had moved. And it wasn’t done!

I kept wanting answers for people. Did I want answers for myself? No. But I felt a rumbling discomfort inside that I wanted resolved.

Although you could find answers, you could find messages from many giving comfort and new perspective, this was not for me. My way, my stream of information was not guiding me in that way. And it frustrated me. I could go in and get answers, and I would, but they felt off. Something disingenuous about them.

They weren’t giving you the whole story.  

No singular message I was receiving felt complete. They all came with a whispered “hold on”. It wasn’t about diving in to give messages about the past or the present. It was more than that, it was about going into our collective future.

There was something coming through strongly, something I had been ignoring. Trying to brush it off like I was swatting a fly.

When I’m ignoring a message or not listening properly, I feel this nag. Have you ever felt it? Feels like someone is yanking on my mind. That feeling like you were meant to do something, but you can’t remember what it was. This feeling bugs me until I can finally turn to it and yell, “What?! What is it??”

I felt what was holding me back from accepting this message. It was fear and it was trying to hold on to the past. I didn’t want to go because I was holding myself in fear and confusion. I had to let go of the last attachments to the old system, and it was compelling me to a new level of courage.

My own metaphorical train seemed to have changed direction so suddenly, I was still reorienting. Still accepting that there had been a massive change of course and everything was different now. Part of me was reluctant to accept this, and I didn’t know why.

My fixed understanding of the world and people had become obsolete. Yes. In this new environment I needed new understanding, and that felt daunting. I didn’t know if I could do it.

I had to feel into the new world without knowing what I would find. I didn’t even know what I was looking for. No stranger to diving into unknown vibrational waters, I was still hesitant.

The last couple days I’ve been breathing into that discomfort. Letting myself feel relief. And as I did, some words came to me.

I acknowledge that the old world is no more. I acknowledge that we have created a new world. I let go of the old. I accept that it is gone. I let go and I accept this new beginning. 

I point myself, orient myself forward. Released of the events of the past, my eyes open to what is becoming. I no longer bother with that which was. I am focused forward. And only in this view can I understand fully. Only in this view can I prepare for what’s to come. Only in this view can I reconfigure my understanding of the world and of people.

I am willing. I am willing to see, I am willing to accept. I am willing to move forward.

Parts of that I had to repeat a few times, because it felt good and it felt like I was releasing my mind of its binds as I let go.

I deleted Facebook off my phone. I enjoy social media, I believe there are a lot of benefits to it, even with the drawbacks. However, I wasn’t going to be able to do what I needed to do if I continued to partake in that particular collective space.

It was too noisy. It made my mind buzz with endless judgment, compassion, conspiracy theories, sadness, happiness. One big pile of beautiful junk that kept me off track and mostly in the past. I could hear what my friends would say about this or that, I could hear mine and everyone else’s voices buzzing in my head and I needed quiet.

I love distractions and interactions with people online, but this was not the time. Whatever relief came from that social interaction was not enough to warrant being blind to what was coming.

We were on a new adventure and we (I) needed to be prepared. I needed to loosen up my mind and my body. To allow myself to take in new information without judgement. I needed to have free spaces within me to integrate the new.

The only message I can give in good conscience and a steady heart is this:

Let go. Let go of the old world. Let go of your old life. Don’t think about what you used to do. Don’t think about where you used to work or what you liked to eat. Let go. 

Are you willing to accept a new world, a better world? Are you willing to see your life be reconstructed to serve you better? Are you willing to see the changes that you, specifically have asked for?

Ease your own suffering and let go of trying to understand. Turn off the hum of the collective mind. Withdraw for awhile, for as long as you can. It doesn’t have to be physically, but in your mind. 

Give yourself relief. Free your mind of worry. Just let go. There’s nothing to hold on to. There’s nothing to evaluate or figure out. Relax into the possibility of a new life. 

Do you really want to go back anyway? Or do you want to move forward, into a better future?

You don’t have to fix things. You don’t have to make sure they work out the way you want. You don’t have to map out your future, not yet. Not quite yet. Soon, yes. Soon, you’ll write down what you would like in this new life. You’ll outline it all. But for now, let go.

Don’t think about how everyone else must be feeling or what they’re doing. Just do you. Find a comfortable space within yourself and go there. Feel the peace of it, feel the calm.

Part of you knows you’re okay. You’re okay. This is all okay. Looks like a giant mess, but it’s not yours to clean up. And it won’t get cleaned up, it’ll just evolve into a new day. So gently move your attention to this New Day. What does it feel like, what does it look like? It feels warm and sunny. Feels good. The air is fresh and clean. You feel free. You smile. Your skin feels good. It feels good as a soft breeze brushes against it. Stay here for awhile. 

This is the beginning.

❤