The secret to life. I’ve got it. I’ve got a whole bunch.
[So does everyone else.]
Every revelation comes with this feeling of uncovering, a discovery, an unearthing. It’s like we’re all squirrels and we’ve hidden nuggets of wisdom for ourselves all over this life experience.
When it’s time to dig, we scurry all over and try to sniff out a distant remembering. Aha! There it is!
It’s nice to think that even in the coldest and darkest of times, we’ve left help for ourselves everywhere. With just a little sniffing and digging, we can find something to tide us over. Just a little something to get us to the warmer, lighter times when we won’t need those nuggets. And those little nuts can choose to grow big on their own, not waiting for us to find them, but melting into life itself and demonstrating the wisdom that was woven inside.
Yesterday morning I woke up with a prayer in my mind:
“Let my mind be open and willing to the best, the most soothing, the most loving, the most high.”
I felt like my mind was a wide open field, full of sunlight. Thoughts were little rain drops, clouds, or shooting stars that could pop in and deliver a message. I imagined receiving little light drops of Thought rain, each drop filled with a new idea. I felt such inner calm, as though I was smiling inside, sitting quietly and happily in that field-available to these thoughts.
That image and the calm stayed with me the whole day. Even in the turbulence of everyday noise, I would suddenly remember the Quiet and the Availability.
In this, I saw a duality. The part of me that scrunches up her nose at life and its annoyances, and the part that smiles and awaits the Good.
I found that sometimes things feel open and flowing and sometimes closed and difficult. I tried to express this on paper and ended up writing:
“I flow when I’m up and float when it’s rough.”
I could feel my spirit smile when I wrote that line. I felt an inner “yes”.
Yes, gather yourself and make moves when the energy is there and don’t freak out when things feel tight.
There is some secret in that, I can feel it in my heart. Like I’m digging out one of those nuts of wisdom. To cover as must ground as you can when the energy is flowing and just float when it’s moving slow.
There is magic in this back and forth, with more focus on the flowing part. Bring as much consciousness forward into the flow as you can. That’s the time to “pull up”, and then exhale when that flow subsides.
In my depression, I used to not flow when it was time. I would think, “what’s the point? I’ve already tried.”
But that is the whole point! It’s the compounding of the ‘trying’ that works.
The same way having the same realization over and over means it’s becoming integrated into your field. You do want to keep “coming around” to the flow, letting it become bigger and more pervasive every time.
Today I invite you to find where breath is in your life. Where can you feel ease and flow? It’s there somewhere. Find where it is, even if it feels small. Breathe into those places.
As a meditation, try to find the origin of your breath. What causes you to inhale? Where is it, that switch that flips and says “breathe”?
Try to look behind your eyes and see where the origin of your vision resides. What is there, behind your eyes, looking out onto the world?
You are Meaning itself, trying to find itself. Never be dismayed by this quest, because you can always rest inside yourself. Turning inward leads to peace, because you are what you’re always looking for.
With Love,
Heba
Love: 