I do a lot of energetic traveling, you could say. If I have a problem or a query I’m working on, I feel into it and around it. I feel out where it derives from and what relates to it. I swim all around until I start to feel clarity. Like when you’re trying to figure something out and the solution begins to drift into your mind. “Light-bulb moments”. Except the light-bulb moments feel like a cool breeze washing over you on a hot day. Or that feeling when you’ve just cleaned or organized a room and you gaze at the space with a feeling of peace and accomplishment.
I read something once that said, “you’re strong enough to be gentle”. I’d like to adapt that to, “I’m strong enough to be loving”. I wouldn’t have thought that being loving takes strength. But love does feel hard sometimes doesn’t it? Why is that? What’s that tense feeling that comes up sometimes in relation to love?
In my understanding, that tension is being dependent another person’s words and actions and how they relate to you. If we subscribe to the idea that being loving (through words or actions) makes one vulnerable, and we cannot guarantee another’s reaction to it, then tension or unease seems like a pretty natural outcome.
But what if we were Strong enough to be loving? Brave enough to be kind? What does that really mean?
It means that I will be who I am, without needing you to be a certain way. I’ll know who I am and act in that way, without basing it on external validation. “But what if…” is the beginning of every nervous feeling. The tipping point between confidence and flailing.
What would it be like to stand full and complete in yourself, to feel the impulse of love and peace and to speak from that place? Would the outcome matter if the expression was full of You, acting from your highest?
Could you express this way? Could you speak and act from your highest and let go of the expectations of what might follow?
I’ve found that love is the answer to everything I ask. Cheesy, I know. But it’s true.
All answers and solutions are found in the feeling-space of love. And when you can’t find that feeling-space in relation to something you’re working on…then that’s what you need to work on. Let go of what you think you need to solve and begin the journey to see the subject through the eyes of love.
You’ll find that you are no longer dependent on anybody or anything to work a certain way. You won’t need anyone to be a certain way. Suddenly, you’ll release your attachments and expectations and the path to follow will be clear and obvious.
The only things that cause confusion are rooted in fear. When you let go and step away from fear (as you make your way towards love), the confusion naturally dissipates. You cannot be in love and in confusion at the same time.
I’ve found that we look at others critically, fearfully, and defensively when we think one of these two things about them:
1. They have the power to affect my life. 2. I need something from them to feel good.
Both of these can be assuaged by reclaiming ourselves and our own power. Can another affect how I’m feeling, by affecting what I’m thinking about? NO. Others bring you opportunities to choose your response to their behavior or words. No one has control or power over what you think in your own mind and how those thoughts cause you to feel.
Be kind not to elicit a ‘response to kindness’ from another, but because it feels good to be kind. Because it feels good to act from a place that feels like the ‘real you’. And no matter how someone responds, you still know who you are. You are kindness.
So who are you today? Are you anger or are you kindness? Have you let the external world determine You, or are you staying steady in your own knowing?
I have begun on a journey of dating adventures. I call them adventures because to me, it feels like a journey to foreign, unknown lands. What are the customs here? What do I wear? How should I speak?
I’ve felt myself shrinking into a Small Me, wobbling around in uncertainty. Where I’m used to seeing easy, clear flowing energy…there are piles of rubbish and chaos. Dark monuments to distant memories and shadowy distractions.
Where was I? Not where is this place, but where is Me? Where is Me? She wasn’t here, not the Heba I’ve come to know anyway. I was far away from my light.
So I used all my tools to gather myself and make the journey back to Me. Once I reached familiar ground, I turned around to shut a big, heavy, iron door to that foreign, uneasy place. But mid-swing, I stopped. How will I ever learn to traverse those lands?
Am I strong enough to be Myself and walk through that haze? I contemplated this.
Earlier, I debated sending a message to someone I liked. I felt the haziness starting to descend. I was slipping into confusion (fear) and away from love. Suddenly a big wave came over me. This feeling of ME. Who I am. How I like to be in this world. And I felt, oh I know her. I know what she would say and what she would do in this situation.
She would choose love. Because no matter what happened, she would still be with herself, and herself was Love. It was my first moment of clarity. The first beam of light shining through that hazy, unknown land.
“Ok, I can do this. I think I’m strong enough to be loving. I want to be strong enough to be loving. Strong enough to be myself.”
And the words of the message I wanted to send were clear. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, and it felt good. It felt like me.