Respite

Adjacent to my unsteady relationship with living my passion through work, the rest of my life was going quite well. I was happily moving along the ups and downs of life.

One morning I woke up and had the best idea! I ran to my sister and told her. “Ok, I know what I want to do. It’s amazing, are you ready?” She reluctantly nodded.

“Ok, so I have this beautiful, peaceful space set up and I sit across from somebody…and I look into their eyes, and I smile. There’s no talking, just sitting.”      Her: “Ok? And?”
Me: “That’s it, we sit together. I SEE THEM. We all just want to feel seen. I’m really good at seeing people.”
Her: “Oh, ok…”
Me: “Yeh! Isn’t it the best idea ever??”

It felt so genuine to me, like it was the most a-u-t-h-e-n-t-i-c  idea I’d ever had. I kept feeling around in it, why did it appeal to me so much? I just felt like I could SEE. That when I looked at someone, I could see them in a different kind of way, a comforting way. And I thought, I like being seen too. It’s about connection, or feeling like a person, like you’re actually here and known.

A few weeks go by and one morning I wake up and have a thought drift in, “How about giving someone an energy reading?”

Wtf is an energy reading? I had no idea, but I posted on my social media to see who would be into an experiment, of sorts. I felt like whatever it was, I knew how to do it.    Some lovely (trusting) friends volunteered and I did my first reading.

I was no stranger to intuitive readings. I had read tarot for over a decade and I always seemed to just “know things”. It felt like there was something to be read between the lines of life. But I didn’t like the idea of being too “foofy”. I liked being grounded in day to day life.

During the first reading, I was extremely nervous. It was like entering a room I’d never been in before, blindfolded. In that darkness, I sensed something. It was like I could see, even with my eyes closed. But I was seeing the i-n-s-i-d-e  o-f   t-h-i-n-g-s.

It felt strangely familiar, like I knew how to move around here. I quickly opened my eyes and said, “Uhhh let’s try for a tarot reading first”. It was comforting to read the cards, that was a well trodden process for me.

After, I tried again…I could still sense something. This time I felt like I could hear the i-n-s-i-d-e  o-f  t-h-i-n-g-s.

I threw caution to the wind and just started saying what I was feeling, what I was sensing. I felt really hot, burning up like a fever. I tried to steady myself. My friend was lovely and gracious, she stayed with me as I felt around and said things.

That first reading, we held hands. We both got a little emotional, I was shaking like a leaf. I had no idea what happened or what to make of it, but I was so thankful that she had agreed to sit with me.

I started meditating more diligently than before. I got a notebook to record what was happening. I continued reading my friends and sister and with each reading, my sensing became more pronounced. My words became cohesive. I would go into a more and more relaxed state, letting go of the neuroses of my every-day self and surrendering into a peaceful space.

People asked if I was channeling, if so, who? I would say, I don’t know.

“Can you ask while I’m reading you?”

And people asked, and answers came. One phrase in particular emerged consistently with each response, “The Light”.

Who was the light?