I had a nightmare last night. It was a familiar scene with some modifications – I’d been here before.
More important than the content of the dream, was the very end.
An evil had risen, materialized out of nowhere. I knew it had come from my own fear and discomfort.
And now that fear had made something scary, and it turned around to face me.
I quickly lifted my hand to fight (I had an image flash through of Buffy slaying a vampire with a stake), but I knew it was pointless.
That kind of strength was useless against dream monsters. The monster itself was made of Nothing. It was my own fear.
All at once, I remembered something and I shot awake, stilling shaking from my dream.
I don’t have to destroy my monsters through force or strength. You cannot destroy fear, in the same way you cannot fight a cloud in the sky.
I remembered that in some of my dreams and visions in the last couple of years, there were helpers that came in and protected me from something.
Now awake, I said something I hadn’t said in awhile, but it came easy to my tongue:
“Lightest of light, Highest of High.”
I said:
“Fill this room with light, protect my mind from my own thoughts, protect me from my own fear.”
I started to slip back to sleep, and the scene was still in my mind. I was standing in a haunted room facing a ghoul dressed as someone I know.
I knew now not to fight, and not to feel powerless. A beautiful light swept in and dissipated the whole scene. It seemed to swallow it whole, to envelope it, like a Great White Shark biting into the sea to eat its dinner.
I woke up again, exhausted from my dreams. I said another invocation:
“Lightest of light, highest of high. Lovingly fill this room with light, protect me, protect my mind. Protect my thoughts.”
I reached for my phone and the time read 4:44 a.m.
I opened YouTube and the first video that came up was a beautiful singer, singing a Durga mantra.
Durga is a Hindu diety, symbolizing the great mother. She is strong and protective and slays demons.
I listened to the mantra and relaxed, slowly trying to understand the symbolism in my dream.
I came away with two things. One, to take responsibility for what fear creates in my life.
And two (most importantly), ask for help with the things that are too scary.
Light is always ready and waiting, and although you are very strong, not all battles are fought and won via strength.
I thought of the areas that I struggle in my life. Somewhere in my subconscious, am I quietly fighting demons in those areas? Is that why they are so hard?
Some demons I can face head on, and some take the breath right out of my lungs. They scramble my thoughts and I’m rendered temporarily lost.
I’ve learned not to fight those ones head on. For those ones, I ask for help. Because I want to breathe easy and I want to think clearly and with coherence.
Today, I’ll remember to be easier on myself when I hit those rough patches. I’ll remind myself not to fight, but to let the light in. To let help in. The metaphysical kind and the flesh and bone kind. Whatever works.
I’ll imagine that light streaming in, dissapating clouds of monsters and haunted images. Leaving behind clear waters and a clear sky.
And I hope I can relay that message to my subconscious 😉 .
Be safe, be well. You are loved. You came here wrapped in light, and that light never wavers.
❤ ,
Heba
Love: 