Life is so full and plentiful.
Sometimes you think you’ve emptied it of its contents.
That you’ve traveled the pages of your life’s book. You know the footnotes, you know the detours the stories take.
You’ve labeled each chapter and lived it; you’ve molded and formed to each letter of each word on every page.
And you say, I’ve done it. I’ve walked the paths. Here is what remains.
‘This is what I have to show for myself, for my life.’
Here are the results of all the things I’ve tried. Here in this field is where every beautiful thing came to life and here is where it subsided again.
And the field is empty.
– –
I looked at my hands, they were empty too.
– –
I sat down to do a tarot reading for myself for the first time in a long time. I had tried before, I would lay down the cards and then sweep them back into the deck without reading.
This time, I looked closer. I began reading the story, one letter following the other.
My perspective changed. Not from what the reading was saying, but in the act of reading itself.
I thought of the components of a tarot reading. It says, here is this person in their life, and here are the storylines happening currently in their life.
I realized that the page turns again. Within the empty field, paths begin to emerge from underneath the grass. The story doesn’t end.
Always a person, within a life, full of letters and words and chapters of story.
“But I thought this was the end?”
The story doesn’t stop writing itself. It slows and speeds and slows again. But one letter is surely to be followed by another. One word stretching into the next.
– –
I think that every once in awhile, we have to renew our contract with our soul. We remember why we’re here, even if the ‘why’ is only a feeling. We remember the fire that burns inside. The desire for Discovery of Self.
A question is asked, “will you rise?”
Will you stand again? Will you remember yourself? Will you remember the light within that wants to be discovered, to be spoken, to be experienced?
Every contract renewal is a solo journey that draws a path from the depths of darkness into the emergence of light.
The light says, “Look this way. Keep coming. Don’t look back.”
Every completion is an awakening. As though the sun is rising inside our hearts rather than the sky.
– –
I looked again at the field. The glare from the sun obscured my view. I blinked and squinted by eyes. I looked down and saw my feet resting on a path. Around me was lush, tall grass and a dense forest. The trees loomed overhead and I saw the blue of the sky beyond the tree tops. I spun myself around in a circle, searching. The deep, moist air of the forest seeped into my lungs. I breathed in deep.
How I’d missed those trees.
I peered through the vegetation and became curious. Where does this path lead?
I brought my palm to my chest and pressed down.
“Are you ready?”
I smiled and said, “Yes, please.”
With love <3,
Heba
Love: 